It Wasn't Anything
by ChristieGordon
Summary: RoyxEd,slight RoyxMaes, Yaoi, lemons and limes. When Roy gives Ed a little sexual gratification in a dim hallway on his 18th birhday, Ed and Roy are forced to face their pasts. Roy must come to terms with a lost love. Ed must accept who he really is.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The Birthday Present

The dim hallway grew hazy with smoke as the diminutive blond alchemist, Edward Elric, walked its length. He could discern a dark figure up ahead. The alcohol in his system was making itself known in his gate, a little lopsided and tipsy-turvy. It was his birthday after all and his eighteenth at that. The men and women he'd spent the last few years of his life with were all in attendance, all waiting for him to return from his brief foray into the restroom. He had yet to find a way to get his brother's body back or his arm and leg, but tonight none of that mattered. He was finally a man, if only by age.

The figure loomed closer in his vision. Dark hair and eyes became visible. It was Colonel Roy Mustang, dapper as usual in his dark civilian suit, leaning up against the wall on his left. A faint smile played on Edward's face when he realized who it was. "What? You waiting for me?" Sarcasm rang in his voice. He would normally have had a more witty comment, but his mind was not as quick as it should be.

The Colonel was watching him with brazen intent.

As he passed, a strong hand grasped Ed's left arm, spinning him around. Head reeling, he was pinned against the wall. Hard lips crushed his own. He tasted a trace of smoky scotch and smelled the Colonel's familiar cologne. A flood of memories from the previous week rushed his dizzy head.

xxx

"So, here is where the planned attack was, right?" Ed was pointing at a makeshift map on Mustang's desk. He could feel the Colonel's breath on the back of his neck, sending shivers up his spine, as the Colonel leaned in close to see the position of his hand. It made him uncomfortable, knowing Mustang was so close behind him and alone in his office - uncomfortable, because the sensation was too pleasant for his liking. Abruptly, Ed straightened, knocking the Colonel backwards.

Mustang groped for Edward, wrapping his arms around him, seizing him against his chest.

Ed's nerves were blasted with adrenaline when the momentary embrace lasted a little too long. He hadn't said anything. To say something would have meant admitting that it had happened.

Over the next few days, Ed had noticed the Colonel standing, sitting, and leaning, so close to him in every possible situation, he'd literally felt their bodies touch through their clothes. Ed made every possible effort to remove himself from these situations, never saying a word, not even in jest. For to say something would mean having to admit he'd noticed.

And yesterday, Ed was in Roy Mustangs office for a meeting. The other officers were all in attendance. When it was over, Ed had planned on being the first one out the door. But he'd caught himself lingering far longer than anyone else, though, not quite sure why. He told himself he must have been too focused on the Colonel's words. Just as he went to leave, a gloved hand slapped his behind, making him jump in surprise. Again, he remained quiet as he exited the office. Because speaking up meant there might be more to it than he'd like to admit.

xxx

Ed remembered the slap. It wasn't rough, more like playful. Sort of like the kiss the Colonel sustained on his lips. Kiss. Eyes whipping open, Ed shoved the Colonel away. "What the fuck?" His words slurred as his wits caught up with his body.

The Colonel thrust Ed back against the wall with ease, positioning his face threateningly close to the young man.

"Happy birthday, Fullmetal," Roy whispered with a husky timbre, brushing his lips close to Ed's ear.

A slight wind caught tiny hairs and tickled Ed in just the right place. Shivering in response, he fought to clear his head. As he felt the Colonel's muscular body press against him, he was horrified to become aware of swelling between his legs, his own body betraying him. He was speechless, like before. This couldn't be happening, wasn't happening.

Roy noticed Ed's gaze avoiding him. The young man's head turned sideways. But the trembling and hardening against the Colonel's thigh told him everything he needed to know. "I had a feeling you'd like this," he whispered, positioning his mouth barely beyond the soft skin of Ed's neck. He restrained the birthday boy's arms to the wall with a tight grip, watching in fascination, as his prey appeared to surrender. "All these years, you've never once had a girlfriend, Fullmetal. Why is that, I wonder?" His lips curled up to his signature smirk.

Ed heard the words spoken to him, but what exactly was the Colonel trying to say? His discomfort with the situation was off the charts, making him squirm. Suddenly, he twisted his head to face the Colonel, glaring. "Damn-it, Mustang, that is none of your business."

"Oh, but I think I've made it my business. I think I have a responsibility to make sure my men are happy. And right about now at least one part of you is happy." Reaching down, Roy shoved his hand under the top of Ed's pants, bypassing his belt. He watched Ed's face, fascinated, while his expert hand stroked Ed's erection.

As the Colonel's hand rushed pleasure into him, Ed melted into the wall. There was no point in resistance. The precise pressure and speed poured searing heat into Ed's core. He knew this feeling, but had never experienced it coming from someone else's hand. Something about it was different, more intense. He bit his lip, stifling a moan. Feeling helpless, the delicious sensation threatened to engulf him.

Roy's palm was relentless in its pursuit, causing Ed's hips to thrust forward.

Ed gasped. He couldn't control himself and soon he didn't want to. Surrendering to the Colonel's insistent kisses on his neck, he allowed himself to enjoy the lips sucking and teeth nipping at his tender skin. He'd submit to the Colonel, just this once, he thought. He was drunk, wasn't he? It didn't really mean anything. It was his birthday, after all. The raw tingling of his climax surfaced suddenly, pushing him over the edge, making delicious contractions rack his body. He felt something cover his mouth as he let out a sharp cry into the hallway. Then it was over. He slumped against the Colonel's chest.

Roy thoroughly enjoyed the look on Ed's face while he released himself. But, damn, he was a loud bastard. He'd had to cover Fullmetal's mouth before the whole pub was alerted to the questionable activities in the dark hallway. Thankfully, not many patrons used this bathroom, which is precisely why Roy had steered Ed to it. He hadn't meant for things to escalate the way they did, it just sort of happened.

Ed leaned against the Colonel, panting.

Roy pushed him back up against the wall and held him with a forearm across his chest while he wiped his hand with a hanky. He leaned in close. "Ed, Ed, snap out of it." He watched as Edward slowly raised his head and gazed up at him, still dazed.

Ed did his best to straighten. His face was flushed with embarrassment and the effects of what the Colonel had done to him.

Ed wasn't sure what to think or say. Suddenly, the hallway spun out of control. Maybe he'd had too much to drink, he told himself. Maybe he just couldn't deal with what had just happened. Did it really happen? The cold wet spot in his boxers said definitely, yes. In any case, he was feeling a bit off.

When the Colonel backed away from him, Ed stumbled forward, clutching the larger man around the waist. How could he have done this? he asked himself. How could he have let himself get into this situation? How could he have liked it? He drew himself in close to the Colonel again, leaning his head forward on his strong chest.

"Ed, are you OK?" Mustang's voice was unusually tender. He was ready for any reaction but the one he was getting.

Ed rubbed his cheek on Mustang's shirt.

How much liquor had the young alchemist consumed, Roy wondered? It had to be the beer, or maybe the numerous shots. Ed would never embrace him like this, he mused. What happened was just a bit of pent up frustration, nothing more. He had to get him home, back to his brother. Al would take care of him. He always did. Roy positioned Ed so he could help him walk back out into the bar.

As the pair appeared from the darkness of the hallway, Riza Hawkeye was the first to see them. It was a sight to see, the older man holding up the younger one, arms entwined.

Roy gazed with pleading eyes at the female blonde assistant as she made her way towards them.

She smiled as she came closer. "Someone's had too much to drink, huh?"

Roy heard Ed mumble something incoherent. "Yeah, I think we'd better get him home." He watched Riza unwrap one of Ed's arms from around his midsection and positioned it around her own so she could help carry him outside.

Once they were outside, Riza held up the young man while Roy went to get his car.

"Wh-where is Roy? I want Roy," Ed mumbled into Riza's shoulder.

She held him up as he swayed in the light of the street lamp directly overhead. "You must be drunk. I've never heard you call the Colonel, Roy, before." She chuckled. "He'll be right back. He's taking you home." She was surprised at the sinful smile that spread across Ed's lips as the information seemed to register in his foggy head. Why would he be so eager for the Colonel's company all of a sudden, she wondered? Didn't they basically hate each other? Her train of thought was interrupted as Roy's car came into view and pulled up in front of them.

Roy's driver got out, opened the door for Riza, and helped her slide Ed into the back seat beside Mustang.

She watched as they drove off down the empty street.

Ed's head fell squarely into Roy's lap, making him flinch. He held his hands up for a moment before placing them back down, one on Ed's side. Concerned, he slid the glass barrier between the front and back seat shut.

"Roy, what did you do to me?" Ed's words stumbled out of this mouth, barely understandable.

The Colonel thought for a minute, distracted by the favorable position of the young alchemist's head and the burgeoning arousal it brought forth. "Obviously Ed, I did nothing you didn't want." A smirk hung on his stunning face.

"But, but, it felt good. Didn't it?" Ed forced his alcohol-drenched mind to make some sense of the night's experience. He attempted to make himself believe it was okay, normal even. In the end, he was completely at the older man's disposal.

Roy saw the dorms just outside the window of the car and felt the car stop. "Yes, Ed, it was supposed to feel good," he said quickly, before the driver opened his door. Roy slid out from under Ed and placed his hands under the young man's armpits to drag him out. With an arm wrapped around Ed's waist, he helped the young man up the stairs and through the dorm building's door.

Ed was trying as best he could to focus on the position of his feet. They didn't seem to be cooperating. He leaned in close to the Colonel, enjoying the feel of the strong arms supporting him. When they strode through the dorm's hallways and to his door, he found himself not wanting to separate himself from the Colonel.

Mustang tried to free himself from the young man, but Ed's grip around his waist tightened. "Come on, Ed, your brother can take over from here. Let go of me." He tugged at Ed's arms.

"No, stay, stay with me, please. I don't want him." Lifting his head, Ed gazed into Roy's eyes. Suddenly, he lunged forward, planting a sloppy kiss on the Colonel's lips.

"Good God, I've created a monster, " Roy said, under his breath. Yanking away from Ed, he spun him around until Ed's back was against his chest. He held Ed up with one hand and knocked firmly on the door with the other.

It only took a few seconds for Al to answer, his metal body shining under the hall lamps. He seemed stunned by the condition of his sibling, standing against Roy, swaying, and not saying a word.

"Here. He had too good a time. Make sure he doesn't throw up on anything." Mustang's voice held authority. He shoved Ed forward into his brother.

"Ah, okay. Thanks, Colonel." Al grabbed and steadied his older brother.

Mustang lingered a moment longer, watching Al take his brother into their dorm room. The door creaked as it shut behind them.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The Mousetrap

It was early afternoon when Ed finally felt like peeling himself out from under his sheets. His tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth and his head felt like someone was hammering inside it. Rising slowly, he placed his head into his hands. The only reason he was getting up at all was he could no longer ignore the pangs of hunger ravaging his gut. His head shrieked as he heard his brother talking to him.

"Brother? You're up? Are you hungry? Do you need some help?" Al had been waiting patiently all day, eager to hear what had happened the night before.

"Shh, Al, tone it down a little." Ed scraped his tongue along dry lips. "Is there any water? I need some water." He attempted to collect himself as he climbed to the edge of his twin bed, pressed against the wall. He heard his brother rush off, metal clanking as he went, pounding in his head.

After a few minutes, Al returned with a glass of water and handed it to his hung-over brother, still in his bed. "Here you go. Tell me what happened last night. I want to know everything." His excitement caused him to tap from one metal foot to the other.

Ed winced as he took the water and gulped down most of it in one breath. "Frankly, Al, I don't think I remember much." Suddenly, a very memorable occurrence assaulted his memories. Eyes widening, his posture straightened and he stared straight at his brother's helmeted eyes.

"What?" Al asked, impatiently.

In desperation, Ed tried to attach some sort of understanding to the memory of Roy kissing him, fondling him, of his intense desire to remain with the Colonel last night. Oh no, he didn't do that, did he? he wondered, internally kicking himself. His shock turned to anger as the only suitable explanation was that Mustang had taken advantage of the situation. But why the hell would Mustang take advantage of him? Pay attention to him, like that? There was a host of drunken women in the pub last night. Why didn't Mustang turn his attentions to any one of them? Why him? The thought that Mustang might actually like him was disturbing, yet encouraging somehow.

"What?" Al seemed agitated he wasn't getting any information.

"Huh? I-I don't remember. Nothing happened. We all just got drunk and celebrated, that's all." Ed's irritation showed in his voice. He just wanted Al to shut up and leave him alone. There was a lot to think about and he had to get food, now. He saw his brother's metal body slump a bit out of the corner of his eye. He knew he'd won for the time being.

xxx

Ed lay in bed, his bent arms tucked up under his pillow, gazing at his ceiling, thinking about how the day had gone. It had turned torturous, it seemed, as he'd wrestled with his memories, his imagination, and his intentions. His mind focused on Roy Mustang all day, while he ate and while he tried to finish some reading. He couldn't get Mustang's touch off his skin and found himself fantasizing about their encounter many times.

No one had ever touched him like that, he mused. Hell, he'd never really even kissed anyone before. The thought was a little embarrassing, seeing how he'd just turned eighteen. What a loser, he thought, with a sigh.

Many times he'd decided to go to Mustang's house and confront him, but his nerve faltered and he'd gone back to his books. His brother had eyed him suspiciously. Ed knew Al had just wanted a better review of the party. But with all the energy he'd devoted to Mustang, he'd been afraid he'd let something slip. He didn't think his brother would understand anyway. Turning to his side, Ed closed his eyes and let sleep take him.

Ed found himself back in the pub's hallway. Roy's lips were devouring his neck, sending shivers down his spine. He felt the delicious sensation of a hand between his legs, stroking. Waves of pleasure rolled through his body as his hips rocked forward. He glanced toward the pub.

Riza turned the corner, gun drawn. "Leave the Colonel alone, Ed. What's the matter with you? Are you a freak?" she yelled, finger on the trigger.

Raising his arms to Roy's chest, Ed halfheartedly pushed at the Colonel, but the sensitivity of his erection was escalating at a rapid pace. His climax was near, beckoning to him. He craved it, not wanting it to stop. He couldn't speak. He could only watch and rock his hips, losing himself in sweet friction, as Riza fired her weapon.

Eyes fluttering open, Ed thrust into empty sheets, gasping as he reached down to stroke his pulsing length before the delicious contractions slowed. He let out a soft moan while his palm stroked hard, sending sticky fluid between his fingers. When it stopped, he froze, still panting, horrified to think his brother might have witnessed his wet dream. Turning slowly, terrified and ashamed, he scanned the room for shiny metal. "Oh, thank God." The room was empty.

xxx

Edward stormed the hallways of Central headquarters, red robe billowing behind him. He was on a quest. It was about time the Colonel explained himself. He was fed up with the way he'd been harassed and brushed off, let alone the fact that the one doing it was his superior officer. Wasn't there a law against this kind of abuse? He stomped into the Colonels office, slammed the door, and slapped his gloved hands on the top of Mustangs wooden desk, glaring holes into the back of his dark head. "Goddamn-it, Mustang, you're a fucking pervert. You took advantage of me when I was, I was drunk."

Mustang slowly turned in his large leather chair, a grin played on his face. He knew better. "What's that Fullmetal? You didn't like getting jerked off the other night? Could've fooled me." He snickered.

Ed wasn't ready to have it spelled out to him that way. Eyes wide, he took a step back, not sure if he was hurt or angrier than when he'd come in. "I was drunk, you bastard. What right did you have to do, _that_, to me?" His voice rang off the walls of Roy's office.

"Well, Ed, it's not like you have a girlfriend to take care of it. I'll bet you've never even been kissed. Am I right?" Roy already knew the answer by the flush spreading across Edward's cheeks. Standing up, Mustang strolled toward his now silent subordinate.

Lowering his face, Ed clenched and unclenched his fists. He felt a flurry of emotions spreading through his body, rage, shame, and self-loathing. This was something beyond his comprehension. He willed himself to pull his anger to the forefront. At least it could give him strength to fight his growing compulsion to tackle the Colonel and smother him under his lips.

He felt himself start to shake as the Colonel's hands grabbed hold of his arms. "S-stop it Mustang. Y-you can't get away with it this time." His words stumbled out. Don't look up, he thought. If he did he'd be lost.

"Hmmm, what makes you think I'd do that again?" Roy smirked. " You've been thinking about it, haven't you? Remembering it. Wanting it," Roy said softly against Ed's ear while his hand brushed the side of Ed's cheek, pushing away a lock of golden hair.

Ed's head tilted in response to Roy's touch, ever so slightly.

Roy heard Ed's breathing quicken. He could see the front of Ed's black pants tighten. "Did you also fantasize about me, Edward? What did I do to you in your dreams?" He brushed his lips against Ed's earlobe, letting them rest against it for a moment.

A shiver ran from Ed's ear straight down to the swelling appendage in his groin. He stifled a moan in his throat. How could this be happening again? Why was he allowing it? "This, is, wrong, Mustang," he said, in-between heavy breaths. He found himself craving the feel of the Roy's lips, his touch on his skin. He tried in desperation to keep his head from rising, his eyes from roaming Roy's face and resting on his mouth. He licked his lips in anticipation.

Roy saw the craving on his victim's face. What a sweet reward for the risk he assumed the other night. Leaning forward, he placed his lips just short of Ed's, relishing the fact that Ed pushed forward to meet them, ever so slightly. But he wouldn't let them touch, not yet. He spoke in a gentle and sensual voice to his young would-be lover. "On the contrary, Edward, this sort of thing has been going on for centuries. At one time, it was commonplace for boys to learn about sex from older men. It prepared them for their wedding night."

Roy saw Ed's brows furrow as the words gained entrance into his obviously wavering mind. Roy kept his lips close, but just out of reach, wanting for Ed to be the one to finally close the gap. One hand rested on Ed's shoulder, the other still placed a light caress on his cheek.

Ed felt dizzy. The Colonel's words floated through his ears. The soft stroking on his cheek mesmerized him. The aching pain from his erection needed to be addressed, somehow. He tried to make sense of the situation, searching for something to make his feelings acceptable. So it was normal for him to want another man? It was okay to let this older, more experienced man, show him the pleasures of the flesh? He wasn't a freak? No. He wasn't a freak.

In haste, he pushed his head forward, tasting the delicious convergence of the Colonels mouth on his. Parting his lips, he let his tongue explore the depths of the Colonel's kiss. He moaned, pressing his length against Roy's thigh. A wave of pleasure rushed his system, feeding his need. "Sh-show me." He drew back only to take a deep breath.

A faint smile played on Mustang's lips. He had exactly what he wanted. But this wasn't the proper place or time. Besides, he knew it'd be sweeter if they waited. He drew back from Ed's urgent kisses. "Ed, we can't do this here. Someone might hear us or suspect. Why don't you drop by my house tonight?" Stepping back, he held Ed at arms length, drinking in his need.

Ed was shocked at the sudden change of events. He'd allowed himself to be receptive to the Colonel and now he felt shunned. His anger reinserted itself into his emotional armaments. "Damn you, Mustang. You had your chance." Yanking free of the Colonel's hold, he stomped towards the door. As he turned the knob, he paused for a second, taking in the Colonel's last words, wishing Mustang would call him back.

"Until later then." Roy's voice teased. He knew full well of Ed's intent.

Opening the door, Ed entered the hallway. He was furious with the way he handled the situation with Mustang. His erection ached with a craving he wasn't accustomed to. It possessed him. He strode into the restroom and locked himself inside a stall. Quickly unbuckling his belt, he threw it to the floor. He unfastened his pants and shoved the zipper down. Thrusting his flesh hand into the velvety area surrounding his swollen and pulsing erection, he squeezed hard on himself. Letting out a loud gasp, a rush of sensation caused him to fall against the inside of the metal wall.

As he began to stroke fast and hard on his length, he became lost in the images of Mustang kissing him, fondling him, sucking on him. Craving something more, he quickly removed his hand, spit an ample amount of saliva into it, and almost buckled when the slick stroke of his palm came down on him again. He moaned and thrust his hips into it, feeling his climax rushing to the surface.

He didn't want to sit on the floor of the restroom. It would add a further sense of degradation to his already fragile ego. But the force of his climax removed any remaining control from his already shaky legs and down he went, slowly sliding his back against the cold metal wall while contractions sent delicious sparks of pleasure through his body. He bit his lip to muffle moans while his seed erupted out of him into warm digits.

He sat on the floor next to the toilet for a moment, trying to salvage what was left of his broken self-esteem. How did everything get so crazy? On Friday, he thought he knew who he was and what he wanted in life. By Sunday, he questioned his sexual orientation and his identity along with it. He didn't want to go to Mustang's house tonight, but he knew he would. He was drawn to the Colonel like a mouse to a mousetrap.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Blurring Right and Wrong

The sun hung low over the city of Central, sending blue and orange hues racing across the sky. The braided boy sat on a park bench, under a canopy of large trees, seemingly unaware of the brilliance dancing over his head. His face was covered by long bangs and his metal hand wrestled with the flesh of the other in his lap.

How long had he been sitting here, he wondered? He was doing his best to keep his excitement about the coming evening buried. He shouldn't be thinking like this, shouldn't be tormented by his superior officer. But the Colonel had started it, hadn't he? Mustang had been the one to single him out. Why, just because he hadn't had a girlfriend? He liked girls, but he didn't have time for such trivial things. He had to get his brother's body back and he had to get parts of his own body back. But, it seems, he did have time for the Colonel, time to drive himself crazy thinking about him. Time to spare when it came to obsessing over a few kisses and, he shuddered to think of it, a hand job. Even thinking about it now, in this context, sent shivers through him. God, he was hopeless.

He finally looked up at the sky and realized darkness had cast its shadows upon the park. Would Mustang be home now? He felt himself getting antsy. His legs were twitching, telling him it was time to go. But if he got there too soon, Mustang would know how much he affected him. No. He had to stave off the growing urge to run to his house, blow his door off its hinges and throw himself at the Colonel. He smiled, imagining himself doing those things. How surprised Mustang would be, he thought, if I ripped off his pants and fucked him in the ass. The look on his smug face would be priceless. Chuckling to himself, Edward couldn't believe a thought like that even entered his mind. He didn't even know how to do something like that. Sighing, he felt his pants begin to tighten. Enough already, he thought. Standing up, he shifted his pants into a more comfortable position and headed down the path toward the street, Mustang's street.

As Ed strode down the street, his resolve deteriorated. The full force of what he was about to embark upon caught up with him. It wasn't funny, not at all. What had he been told about boys who liked other boys? There was a host of vulgar names that came to mind. Was he really one of those?

He stepped up to the Colonel's door and knocked. Shame and fear all rolled up into a mess of craving and longing ravaged his soul. He thought these feelings for males had long since died with his mother's passing. He'd had something else to consume his self-destructive energy. But then, Mustang had to come along, seize them from their hiding place, and scatter them out across his psyche.

-O-

Colonel Mustang was pouring himself a scotch in a short crystal glass from his dark wood liquor cabinet when he heard a soft knock at his door. He took a quick peek at his pocket watch, only seven. Fullmetal was not wasting any time, he mused, grinning. He strode to the door, still wearing his military trousers and a white shirt, scotch glass in hand. He waited at the door for a second knock before turning the knob and opening it, readying himself with a witty comment. "Fullmetal, so you . . . ah." His words caught in his throat when he saw how dejected Ed appeared, standing on his doorstep.

Ed just stood in the doorway, shaking uncontrollably, head lowered, tears building in his eyes.

"Uh, come on in, Ed." Reaching out, Roy placed a tender arm around him. As he led him into his living area, he heard a few soft sobs release from somewhere underneath the long blonde bangs. Roy felt like a jerk. He realized it was probably his manipulation of the young man that caused the emotional outburst.

He sat Ed down on the couch, seated himself beside the boy, and embraced him.

Ed's forehead leaned against Roy's chest. His arms were drawn up next to his body and bent so his hands fanned out in either side of his face.

Roy did his best to comfort the distraught young man in his arms. "It's okay, Ed. I'm sorry. I'm sure it's my fault you're so upset."

Ed couldn't believe how nice Roy was being to him, actually apologizing, when he was acting like a baby after all. He liked the feel of the Colonel's arms around him and the scent of his cologne mixed with scotch.

Roy placed a soft kiss on the top of Edward's head, not sure if that was the right thing to do. Somehow, it felt right.

Ed's heart raced when he sensed soft lips touching his head. He felt himself harden as he trailed his hands along the thin shirt covering Mustangs chest, imagining the soft skin underneath. What was happening now wasn't much like what happened in the bar or his office. This was gentle, loving even. Gazing up at the Colonel, Ed was surprised to see something different in his dark eyes. "Wh-why are you looking at me like that?"

"I-I don't know. There's just, something about you that—" Letting out a heavy sigh, Roy stopped before confessing something he'd regret later.

"No, something about me what?"

Feeling his heart pounding, Roy gazed at the beautiful young man in his arms. He'd always longed for Edward to be with him like this, but never expected it to happen so quickly after he'd made his move. He'd figured it was going to take a lot more convincing and persuasion before he'd see the softer side of the Fullmetal Alchemist. He sealed the young man's question with a gentle kiss. As the kiss lingered, he felt Ed's lips part, the young tongue licked across his teeth, and Ed's body pressed snub against his own.

Ed drowned himself in Roy's kiss. He wanted to surrender everything to him so Roy could take away his pain and insecurities, wanted to believe what they were doing was right. If Mustang didn't have any problems with it, why should he?

Ed's erection demanded attention. Reaching around his side, he seized Roy's arm by the wrist. He tugged Roy's arm around to position his hand over the hard flesh straining under his zipper. Ed grew frustrated quickly, Roy didn't seem to be responding to what he needed. He slapped his hand over Roy's and pressed it solidly into himself, moving it up and down. As the action ignited pleasure in his groin, a moan escaped from him into Roy's mouth.

Roy was surprised by how forward Ed was being with him. This was definitely going better than expected, he thought, with a grin. Roy obliged Ed's wishes, stroking and squeezing his length through his black pants.

Ed stretched himself out a little so he could increase the friction from Roy's hand. It was exquisite.

Roy felt Ed fumbling with his military trousers and was forced to pull away from their kiss in order to smile.

Ed tried to chase the kiss, not wanting to let the Colonel go. He gazed up at his face. Mustang was smiling at him, stopping the hand movements he so craved. "D-don't, don't stop. Why are you smiling?" Leaning forward, he attempted to reestablish the connection.

Roy turned his head away, chuckling.

Ed frowned. "Damn-it, Mustang, don't laugh at me." He suddenly felt stupid and a little hurt. He must have done something wrong.

"I'm sorry, Ed. I can't help it. You're just sort of, well, pathetic in a way," Roy said, still chuckling. He watched Ed sit away from him on the couch, pouting, with his arms crossed on his chest. "Come on, don't be like that." Reaching out, he grasped his flesh hand. "If you come with me, I promise I'll make it worth your while." His voice was husky with desire. He had some definite ideas about what he wanted to do to his new lover.

Huffing, Ed allowed Roy to raise him up from the couch. But, he didn't want Mustang to perceive how eager he really was to see what the elder man had in store. As Roy led him into his bedroom, the hammering of Ed's heart became irritating. He tried taking deep breaths, to slow his racing pulse. He found himself trembling again. He started to give himself a mental pep talk of sorts - it's okay, it's just a bedroom, it's just a bed, it's okay, just get on the bed, he's just taking my clothes off, he's just undressing, it's okay, it's just—" Arching his back, Ed's head tilted backward as the moist hot cave of Roy's mouth surrounded his erection. He wanted to scream, to shriek with the pleasure coursing through every nerve in his system, but no sound would come out at the moment.

When he found his voice, his loud cries and moans echoed into the hallway. He'd definitely never felt anything like this. Roy's tongue expertly swirled his tip and sucked at his length, sending waves of pleasure washing over him, feeding his increasing frenzy of thrashing and moans. Roy's mouth pumped down and up, over and over, building the sensitivity of Ed's erection.

Roy couldn't believe the reaction Edward had. The young man really was a loud bastard, even when he wasn't drunk. He couldn't have hoped for anything better. Ed's response aroused Roy beyond belief, making own erection ache and pulse. Even the resistance of the bedcovers would soon be enough to initiate his release. He stopped his assault on Ed's erection and positioned himself further up in the bed, next to Ed.

Both men were panting, on their sides, facing each other.

Brows tensed in frustration, Ed gazed at Roy. "Why did you stop?" Reaching his flesh hand out to Roy, he caressed his side because he didn't know what else to do.

Roy took a second to collect himself before reaching into the nightstand drawer and taking out a small bottle of lotion. He grabbed Ed's hand, squirted the substance into it, and brought Ed's hand down to his own erection. He watched Ed's eyes widen while he guided his strokes. Having Ed's hand on him was exquisite. Eyes closing, Roy leaned back, rocking his hips into the movement. He felt Ed's body draw close to his and soon Ed's lips were hungrily devouring him.

Ed had never touched anyone like that before, let alone another man, let alone his commanding officer. He decided Roy could command him any time he wanted. Ed ravaged the skin on Roy's neck and chest. He found the sounds of Roy's moans growing more insistent. It lit a fire inside him, making him thrust into Roy's side, needing to get back some of the earlier friction.

Roy's warm hand found it's way between Ed's legs and began to stroke.

The relief was palpable. Feeling his climax push through to fruition, Ed dropped his head onto the Colonel's chest, just as his sensitivity peaked and spasms of urgent pleasure overtook him. So lost in sensation, Ed's hand stilled over Roy's length.

Roy shuddered. He was at the brink when Ed had stopped. "Ed." Roy gasped, guiding Ed's hand to resume his motion. Roy felt his release come on strong and surrendered to the intense pleasure racking his body.

Ed felt warm fluid run over his hand and looked, incredulous, at the Colonel. He'd done that. He found an undeniable power in it. Plus, he really enjoyed it. He could get addicted to it, even.

Ed rolled to his back. He wanted the Colonel to hold him, craving reassurance that what they did was still all right. But he realized Roy probably needed to rest for a moment. Suddenly, Ed wasn't sure if he should wipe his hand on the sheets or what. So he just lay there, gazing up at Roy's ceiling, pondering what this meant, if it meant anything. He'd never been in love, so he wasn't sure if this is what it felt like or not. What he did know, as he turned his gaze back to Roy, was that he wanted more. He wasn't sure if it was possible for him to get enough of Roy Mustang.

Rising from the bed, Roy strolled into the attached bathroom. When he returned, he had two wet washcloths in his hand. He threw one at Ed and wiped himself off with the other, dropping it to the floor when he finished. He noticed Ed mimicking his actions as he plopped himself back on the bed, next to Edward, letting out a tired sigh. He felt Ed's warm body snuggle up next to him and he wrapped his arms around his young lover. Pushing his nose into Ed's hair, Roy breathed in his scent, fresh air mixed with spice. He brushed hand across the back of Ed's head, releasing the rest of his loose braid. He had a hard time believing it was real. Ed was really lying with him in his bed.

Ed closed his eyes as he lay in Mustangs arms. He felt so comfortable and secure. His flesh arm lay across Roy's waist and he tightened his hold, drawing himself closer. The disturbing thoughts were silenced as he closed his eyes and let pleasant images pull him into slumber.

xxx

The morning sun beamed through the window, illuminating the young man in a bed of chaotic sheets and dark blankets. Slowly opening his eyes, Ed focused on the room around him through the images of his dreams. Where was he? Oh yes, he was still in Mustang's bedroom. It had been too dark for him to really see much of it last night. Sitting up, he wiped his eyes and scanned the contents of the room. Heavy silk drapes hung at the window, the color of milk chocolate. They matched the duvet, Ed mused. On the far wall was a dresser, made of rich dark wood. The style matched the nightstand and headboard with strong masculine lines.

He reached his hand beside and behind him, searching for a limb or otherwise of the man he made love to last night. When his hand came up empty, he turned his gaze to the folds and crevices of sheets, trying to discern the shape of a body, but there was none. He focused on the clock on the nightstand, next to a brass lamp with a dark green shade. It was same nightstand that held the lotion they'd used last night. He shivered as he remembered the slick feel of Mustang in his hand and the reaction he'd invoked. The clock read nine. He realized the Colonel must have gone to work already. He was alone with himself, his memories, and his judgments.

Pulling his legs up, Ed wrapped his arms around them and rested his forehead on his knees. He began to rock in a steady rhythm. A wicked internal voice found him. Stupid boy. How can you like the feel of another man on you? How could you so easily submit to his wishes? Why would you come here, knowing he would ruin you?

Ed tried to reason with the critical voice in his head. It wasn't really like that, was it? It didn't feel wrong at the time. He realized Mustang awakened feelings in him he'd tried to keep hidden. Feelings that threatened to destroy his relationship with his brother, with Winry, with anyone who was close to him. What would Al do if he found out what he'd done last night? Would he be repulsed? Ed felt ugly inside, ugly and alone as the tears came. He yielded to them, letting them tumble down his cheeks, onto his legs, letting them cleanse his feelings of self-loathing and inadequacy.

After Ed collected himself and dressed, he called his brother from a phone in Mustang's kitchen. Yesterday he'd told Al he had something important to take care of and not to wait up for him, but his prolonged absence was sure to have caused some concern.

He waited as the phone rang into his dorm room, looking around the small but efficient kitchen. The dark wood on the cabinets was a stark contrast to the white tiles on the counters. A porcelain sink sat under a small window, framing a view of the back yard. The stove was clean and curved, white, like the refrigerator. Ed heard continuous ringing, but there was no answer. He rested the black headset on the receiver and made his way to Mustangs front door. He stopped at a small table pushed against a wall and picked up a picture of the Colonel with Maes Hughes. The pair looked young and happy. Ed figured the picture must have been taken at the start of their military careers. The men had their arms around each other's.

Edward took a cab back to his dormitory building. After getting home, he showered.

Ed stood in the shower, letting the water cascade over his skin and metal body. After reaching for the soap, he lathered up his hands. The sensation reminded him of the slick feel of the lotion Mustang had put on him last night. A wicked thought bore into his mind, making him glance at the door to the bathroom, reassuring himself he was alone. He was already hardening when he placed his flesh fist around his length and squeezed. His body pulsed with pleasure. Breath quickening, a soft gasp floated out of him. As he stroked up and down, the slick sensation fed his growing need, dissolving any remnants of the faultfinding voice threatening to make itself heard.

He relaxed under the warm water, leaning up against the cool white tiles, increasing the speed and pressure on his full erection. He swirled the tip with his thumb, spreading a pearl of seed over the head. Closing his eyes, he imagined the Colonel there with him, his mouth sucking on him instead of his own hand pumping, stroking, up and down, over and over. A sweet tingling started to build in his groin and spread outward through his whole body. Reaching up with his metal hand, he gripped the showerhead tight to brace himself as his peak surged, hard and relentless. The spasms came, spurting his seed out over the drain. Losing himself in the moment, he cried out.

Suddenly, the bathroom door burst open and slammed against the wall.

Ed was appalled to see his brother's metal body shining on the other side of the glass shower stall. Turning around to hide his still pulsing body, he bent forward and fell to the floor in a heap. "Oh God, oh God, oh God!" Panting, he hid his face, his nakedness, his shame, from his sibling.

"Brother! I-I'm sorry! I thought something was happening to you, I-I thought you were in pain or something!" Al's shrill voice echoed off the walls of the small room. He just stood there, not wanting to fully comprehend what he just saw. Of course his brother did that, he thought, didn't all boys his age?

"Al, get out of here. Obviously I'm fine." Ed felt exposed in the worst way. He thought he'd locked that door, damn-it. He shouldn't have been doing what he was doing anyway, right? He winced as the last thought flashed through his panicked mind. He heard metal clank on the floor and the door shut with a thud. He resigned himself to resuming his shower and getting himself dressed. He was not looking forward to the conversation sure to follow.

xxx

Al waited patiently on the edge of his bed until his brother appeared in the doorway of their bathroom. He felt terrible about what happened. "Edward, I'm so sorry. I really didn't know what was going on in there and when you didn't come home at all last night, I got worried."

Ed ran his flesh hand through his bangs, realizing how silly it all was and chuckled. "Don't worry about it, Al. I guess there are worse things, huh?" His smile faded as he realized the subconscious stab he took at himself. "Look, I'm really hungry and I've got a lot of work to do, so I'm just going to go to headquarters now, okay?" He saw the orbs in his brother's helmet diminish.

"But brother, I haven't seen you in so long, why don't we eat together. I mean, why don't I go with you to eat?" His voice held sadness.

Al's words poured more guilt into Ed's mind as he thought about his brother not being able to taste food anymore. Wasn't that because of something else he shouldn't have done? Anyway, Ed really didn't want his brother's company right now, not while he was struggling to maintain his dignity, not while he was fighting a compulsion to see Mustang. But he knew he had to placate him somehow for not coming home last night. "Well, okay, but I'm just going to the cafeteria, all right?" He saw his brother jump off the bed and ramble over to his side, ready to go.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Breaking Barriers

Ed sat with Al while he ate, talking mostly of superficial things. There was no way Ed was going to let Al know what was going on between him and the Colonel. He could tell Al was suspicious about the previous nights activities by his fishing comments. But thankfully he'd stood firm and hadn't offered any information.

After lunch, Ed made his way over to the library. He found some interesting books relating to the Philosophers stone and tried to bury himself in the pages. His mind wondered. Daydreams and fantasies kept pushing their way in. At times he laid his head on the library table and closed his eyes, trying to erase any thought at all from his tortured mind. Within a few hours, his fantasies got the best of him. His compulsion to see Mustang had grown into a fulltime fixation. Rising from his chair at the table, he paced back and forth, glaring at the library door, willing it to lock him in.

The door opened and Havoc walked in.

Ed stopped walking a ditch in the carpet and watched while the tall blond threw a cigarette to the tile floor of the entrance and stomped on it.

Havoc's eyes scanned the room, resting squarely on Ed.

Ed quickly sat back down in his chair and held up his book, realizing the lieutenant was approaching him.

"Hey, Fullmetal, Colonel wants to see you." Havoc shifted his feet, waiting for a reply.

Ed's heart lurched. He struggled to hide his distress. The book in his hands started to shake, so he let it drop to the table with a thud. He struggled to form words. "O-okay." Ed didn't dare chance a direct look at the man standing in front of him.

"Damn, Ed, you all right?" Havoc sounded genuinely concerned.

Ed cleared his throat before glancing up at Havoc. "I'm fine," he said. "Tell him I'll be up in a few minutes." His voice was firm and sharp. He had to get a grip on himself before he went to Mustangs office.

"Uh, okay, but he said for me to tell you it's urgent. He wanted me to walk you up," Havoc said, like it was a completely normal request.

Ed clenched his fists under the table and reluctantly got up. He walked around the table and followed Havoc to Mustangs office, feeling his distress give way to impossible yearning the closer they got to their destination.

Ed strode through the Roy's office door and was stung by butterflies, flittering in his stomach, at the sight of Roy leaning back on the front of his desk, looking stunning. His blue military uniform impeccable, his dark hair perfectly jumbled across his forehead, long enough to partially hide the enigmatic dark eyes below. Sighing, Ed chastised himself for acting like a lovesick fangirl.

Mustang nodded a dismissal to the saluting Havoc. "Fullmetal, close the door." He had a smug grin on his face.

Ed did as he was told, feeling his flesh palm start to sweat and a familiar arousal start to take hold of him.

"Now, lock it."

Anticipation almost killed Ed while he turned the lock on the door and heard the click of the tumbler. Licking his lips, he turned around. For a moment, he searched his intellect, waiting for his awful conscience to start berating him. But it never came. Funny how it only presented itself when he was outside of the Colonel's presence.

Mustang strolled up behind Ed as he locked the door. As soon as Ed's body was turned toward him, Roy clutched his shoulders and gave him a hungry kiss. He'd been waiting all day to taste those lips and he wouldn't be denied. "Oh God, Ed, I want you so badly," Roy whispered, as soon as he was able to drag his mouth away for a second.

Ed was shocked, but only for a moment. Reaching his arms around the Colonel's waist, he pulled Roy with brute force toward him, matching the Colonel's desire with his own. Any sense of self-control he'd wanted to assume was nonexistent. Shoving the Colonel to the wall, Ed maintained a stream of steady kisses and nips on Roy's mouth and neck, hastily unbuttoning Roy's military jacket and shirt as he went.

Mustang's back slammed wall of his office with a thump as the crazed blond ran his hands up under his now-open shirt. Their hips met and Roy felt delicious friction as Ed ground himself into the Colonel, twisting and moaning. He couldn't believe what was happening. Did he accidentally fall asleep at his desk and struck gold in a dream? Oh no, it was real, it better be real or he'd have some explaining to do when he woke up with stains on his trousers.

Ed didn't know exactly what he was doing. He was driven by pure impulse. Craving the power he held over Roy last night, he wanted to make him squirm under his control. He needed to possess him. Reaching down, he unfastened Roy's blue trousers, spit on his flesh hand, and slipped it between silky cloth and skin. He did his best to stroke Roy in the same fashion he employed on himself. He was rewarded with the Colonel struggling to stay upright.

"Put, put your mouth on me." Moaning, Roy's eyes clenched shut. His body shuddered as Ed's palm sent sweet friction over his erection.

Ed obliged, remembering how good it felt on him last night. Lowering to his knees, he took in the Colonel's length without a moment's hesitation. He sucked and lapped at Mustang, meeting the rhythm of Roy's hips with his mouth. His own erection ached painfully as he sensed the intense pleasure he inflicted on his stunning lover.

"Oh, that feels so good. You haven't done this before, have you?" Roy's words spilled out between heavy breaths.

The question made Ed want to smile. He was doing something right for a change. As he felt the Colonel's body grow tense and begin to shake, he realized what was about to happen. He stopped, unsure of how to handle the situation. Feeling Roy's hand on the back of his head urging him forward, he figured he was supposed to take it in.

He hungrily took the Colonel's length back in, pumping it with his mouth, running his tongue along the bottom.

Roy felt his release come on strong. He wasn't about to let Ed stop again, so he pressed hard on his head. Roy drove forward, into that delicious mouth, letting his climax surge out of him.

Ed felt Roy's erection swell harder, just before it erupted into him. Ed lapped up the fluid and swallowed without thinking. Suddenly, he realized just how aroused this act made him. Slapping his hand to his groin, he palmed hard over his erection through his pants to catch his own sweet peak as it happened. He fell forward a little as pleasure rocked through him and hot fluid wet the inside of his boxers.

Lowering himself to Ed's level, Roy peered into his face. Ed wore a funny look and Roy hoped he hadn't pushed him too far. "Ed? Are you okay?"

Ed gazed back at him with a confused expression.

"Do you want me to do that to you now?" Roy hoped the offering would lessen the shock of what he'd just done. He saw Ed's face flush and turn away. "What's the matter?" Roy grew alarmed.

"I-I already . . . I just—" Sighing, he collected himself and started over. "It's already done. I-I finished." Ed was stunned, dazed, and a little embarrassed. How could he do that without any direct stimulation?

A faint chuckle came out of Roy as he placed his arm around Ed. "Wow, you really like doing that, huh? Well, that's good for me." He helped Ed to his feet and both men started to fix their rumpled appearance. Roy went to his desk, grabbed a tissue, and handed it to Ed.

"Thanks." Ed pushed the tissue inside his pants, cleaning his mess as best he could. He felt ridiculous.

As Roy fastened his buttons, he felt Ed's hands brush over his own. A sudden deep feeling of affection washed over Roy as he realized Ed was buttoning his shirt for him. He gazed into the blonde's face as he worked the buttons, noticing the determination and the radiance it held.

When Ed finished buttoning Roy's jacket, he reached up on his tiptoes and gently straightened Roy's hair. His gaze met Roy's as he finished.

"You are amazing, you know that?" Roy bent down to place a tender kiss on Ed's cheek.

When Ed heard the kind words, his heart melted, forcing him to look away. The Colonel had confidence in him, something he found hard to accept. What did the Colonel see in him that he couldn't? He stood with his arms against his sides, gazing at the far wall, not really wanting the moment to end, but not knowing what to say to suspend it.

"Ed, I know it might sound sort of, well, sappy, but I'd like to take you to dinner tonight. If you'd let me." He'd been trying to find an acceptable reason to spend more time with the young man and this seemed like a perfectly good way to do it.

Ed gasped. "You mean, like, _a date_?" He stared at the Colonel in disbelief. So, it wasn't just a sexual thing the Colonel had for him then? What about all those rumors of the Colonel being a womanizer? Were they just a front for his real sexual orientation?

"Uh, I don't know if I'd call it that." The word "date" made Roy uneasy. How deep did this thing go between them? "Let's just say I'd like to repay you for—"

"I don't need any payment for what we did. I did it out of my own free will. You make it sound like I'm a damned prostitute or something!" Ed was furious, even surprising himself by the outburst.

Reaching out, Roy seized Ed's arms. "No. No, that's not what I meant at all. It's just that I - oh hell, I just want to spend more time with you, okay?" Roy grit his teeth.

Realizing he might have the upper hand in this situation, Ed smirked. "So, it _is_ like a date then."

"Shut up, just don't call it that." Roy was irritated. Wrenching himself away, he turned towards the door. He stopped with his hand on the lock. "Are you coming, or not?"

"Can we go to Papillon?" Ed was still smiling. He'd picked the most expensive restaurant he could think of.

Mustang's heart shuddered. Why there? He let out a soft groan. "Yeah, okay," he said, through his teeth. He waited in the doorway for Ed to join him so they could leave. They passed Riza's desk. "Send for my car, Lieutenant." Roy waved a hand at her.

"Yes, sir." Riza watched the spectacle of the Colonel walking the hallway side-by-side with Fullmetal. What the hell did they do in that office anyway? What she'd heard disturbed her. The muffled moans and banging around just didn't seem right. Either they had a brawl or, no, she wouldn't even go there. She did, however, take special note of how Ed's face appeared when he looked up the Colonel - the sparkle in his eyes, the fresh glow on his face. No, it couldn't be.

When Mustang and Edward reached the curb in front of Central's main headquarters, the air was a pleasant and cooling down from the day. The sun was still bright even though it hung low in the sky, lighting each side of the two vividly and casting shadows on the other side. Ed and Roy both climbed into the back seat of his car as the driver held the door open for them.

Ed had a difficult time suppressing his excitement. He was actually going out on a date, no, not a date, but something with Roy Mustang. Suddenly everything started to feel different, better, more appropriate. He felt happy for once. He was still smiling as he gazed out his window at the buildings and people racing by.

Feeling a hand cover his, he looked over at Roy, puzzled. He saw Roy put his index finger to his lips, motioning for him not to speak. The look in the Colonel's eyes, was it? Could it be? His heart skipped a beat. What was happening to him? A foreign feeling invaded his body, nice, but a little scary.

The car pulled in front of Le Papillon, Central City's finest French restaurant. The pair exited the car and walked up to the maitre'd, a thin, balding man in a dark suit. He stood behind a tall stand.

"Colonel Mustang, I'm so pleased to have you back. Would you like your regular table?"

Roy glanced at the ground for a moment. "Yes, of course."

The maitre'd grabbed two menus from the stand and proceeded to lead Roy and Ed through the dark restaurant and out onto the terrace. The air held hushed voiced and the delicious aroma of garlic and rosemary. "We've missed you and your friend. I hope he's well."

When they reached the table, Roy turned to the man. "Um, he passed, unfortunately."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, sir. My condolences."

Ed was shocked, were they talking about Maes Hughes? Had Roy and Maes frequented this restaurant? Must be. Ed took a seat at a small round table with a white tablecloth draped over it.

"Thank you. He's sorely missed." Roy sat and took a menu as it was handed to him.

Ed took his menu and watched the man walk off. He leaned toward Roy. "So, did you used to come here with Maes Hughes?" He saw the Colonel's face darken as the name was mentioned. Obviously it was still a sore subject.

Roy hid his face in his menu. "Yes, I did." His voice wavered a little.

Ed wasn't sure how far he should go with his questioning, but an idea was starting to solidify in his brain. "So, you and Maes were really close, huh?" He wished he could see the Colonel's face. Then maybe he'd get the answers he really wanted.

"Yes."

"Um, how close?" Ed winced. The words had come out before he had a chance to pick a better way to phrase his question. But maybe a direct approach was best. He noticed the menu in Roy's hands start to shake a bit.

"I-I don't, can't talk about it . . . right now."

The sound of a sniffle reached out across the table and smacked Ed across the face, making him want to reach out and grab Roy's hand. But how would that look to the other patrons in the restaurant? He was at a loss as to how he could possibly comfort Roy when they were in a public place and he really, really wanted to.

His eyes darted around the restaurant, trying frantically to come up with something he could do. He calmed. Extending his flesh leg under the table, Ed rubbed it gently against Roy's. "I'm sorry. I won't ask you about it anymore." Roy's menu came down and Ed could see a shimmer in Roy's eyes as a faint smile crossed his lips.

"It's okay, Ed. Maybe some other time, huh?" Roy knew it would be difficult for him to come to this place again. But he'd figured maybe if he came here with Ed it would be easier somehow. But he wasn't sure he wanted to disclose the full details regarding his relationship with Maes to Edward. Not yet anyhow.

Ed kept his legs in close contact with Mustangs under the table while they ate, talked, and drank red wine. He felt incredibly close to Roy after seeing his vulnerability. Gradually, a mixture of the atmosphere, company, and the wine lightened their conversation and the words flowed easily, interspersed with laughter. Ed had no idea the Colonel could be like this, so easy going and actually fun to talk to. Any semblance of his usual impenetrable ego had disappeared.

Every once in awhile, Roy caught Edward stealing a glance at him. His eyes held a purity and conviction Roy remembered he'd had before the Ishbalan war scarred him so badly. As they verbally explored each other in this place holding so many fond memories for him, Roy was brought back to happier times. Times when he'd come here with Maes Hughes, the man who was solely responsible for bringing him back to life when he'd been so desolate, when he'd wanted nothing more than to feel a bullet shatter his skull. And why was Ed being so attentive? Did the young man really care for him? He just hoped he was capable of returning whatever feelings Ed had for him. It'd been so long since anyone broke through his defenses and the only one previously to do it abandoned him in death.

It was almost ten o'clock and two bottles of wine later when the pair left the restaurant. The wine flowed freely through Ed's body, intensifying already baffling emotions. He was getting anxious to get out of the public eye, yearning to be physically close to the Colonel again. He felt himself hardening just at the thought.

When they slid back into Roy's car to head for home, Ed found himself craving the feel of the Colonel in his arms, in his hands. He looked over at Mustang, appearing lost in thought, gazing out the window, not paying any attention to him. Ed slid his body close to his lover and snuck his hand to Roy's lap, searching for the treasure just under his zipper.

Gasping, Roy glanced up at his driver when he felt Ed's hand on him, not sure at first what grabbed him. He quickly closed the partition in front of him, drew the curtains and shoved Ed onto his back across the seat. "Is that all you can think about now?" His voice was husky with sudden desire. He teased the Ed, putting his lips as close as he could without touching him. "We don't have much time, unless I ask the driver to take the long way." His eyes darted from Ed's eyes to his mouth.

"Then, then do it." Ed was panting. Since he'd gotten hard as soon as they left the restaurant, he already felt the need to grind into Roy's hips.

Reaching up, Roy briefly broke the seal in the partition through the curtain. "Take the long way."

"Yes, sir."

As soon as Ed heard the partition close again, he let out a loud moan and ground his hips into Roy's, feeling his erection rub against his lover's. His groin hummed. He put his arms around Roy, one reached up behind his head, pushing him down to meet his lips. His moans grew stronger as he quenched his thirst for man above him.

"Ed, shush, that partition won't be enough to keep the driver from hearing you once you get going." Roy was almost completely caught up in the feel of lips sucking and teeth gently biting at his neck. Mustang grinned as he thought about how timid Ed had been on his birthday and compared him to the near animal he'd turned into. He felt Ed pushing him to the side, against the seat back, and Ed's hand grope at his pants. He reached down and stopped him, for the moment. "No, Ed, its your turn." He locked on to wild eyes.

Ed's attentions turned to his own belt, hands shaking, as he attempted to release it's hold from his stomach. He was so aroused, he was afraid he'd loose control again before he'd get his pants open. It frustrated him. What was it about oral sex that initiated such a strong response in him?

A pre-climax pulse rushed through him as he absently brushed his length. He was close, too close. He suddenly recognized his intense response had something to do with submission and domination. He decided he'd better not think about it anymore or Roy would find a mess when he got his pants open.

Roy covered Ed's frantic hands with his own. "Ed, look at me." Roy's voice was calm, reassuring. He sensed the predicament Ed faced. He waited for Ed's motions to slow and his eyes to meet his.

Ed continued to focus on his belt, seeming more frustrated by the minute.

"Look, at, me."

Ed finally did as Roy asked.

"Let me." Roy moved Ed's hands away, before unbuckling, unbuttoning, and unzipping Ed's pants with ease. He guided Ed further up the seat, so the upper part of his torso and head rested on the door. "Ed, lift your hips."

Ed lifted his hips, looking at Roy with a mixture of panic and lust.

Roy lowered Ed's pants and boxers. Taking one final look into Ed's eyes, he slowly slipped his mouth over Ed's erection.

Ed clenched his teeth together but it wasn't enough to stifle his sharp cries. His eyes squeezed shut and his hands turned into fists, trying to control the immediate and insistent surge threatening to overtake him. He felt the Colonel's tongue slow and lightly flick on the underside of his erection, just under the lip. It was too much and Ed drove hard into Roy's mouth as he surrendered, letting his climax surge forth, in a fury of delicious contractions. They seemed to go on and on, making his body jerk and stiffen with each one. Stuffing his flesh fist in his mouth, he bit to keep the driver from hearing them. When it finally slowed, he bent sideways to reach between the Colonel's legs. "I want to do it to you now." His voice was hoarse.

Roy licked his lips and ran the back of his hand across his mouth as he leaned over the spent youth. "Damn, Ed, you are really into that, aren't you? I wish we had time for it, but we don't. There's always tomorrow, okay?" He chuckled.

Roy's words made him feel self-conscious. He pulled his pants back up and fastened everything. Sitting up in the seat, he glanced out the window. They were almost back to the dorm. His face showed his apprehension. "Roy?"

Mustang sat back on the seat next to him. "What? You look like something's bothering you?" Wrapping an arm around Ed, Roy drew him in to his chest. He felt Edward's head lean against his shoulder, his cheek rubbing against his jacket.

"I just, it's okay, isn't it? I mean, what we're doing. It's not, bad, is it?" He's just realized he'd be alone soon with his disapproving thoughts.

"No, it's not bad. It may not be totally acceptable in some circles, but it's certainly not bad." Letting his fingers stroke lightly over Ed's hair, he thought. He was puzzled. What kind of a question was that? The car stopped and he heard the front door open. He drew Ed's face to him with his empty hand and gave him one last lingering kiss. The door opened next to Ed, making Roy release him.

He watched Ed leave the car, glancing back and giving the Colonel a quick, unsure wave. Roy waved back, feeling a little silly. He grew concerned as he watched Ed push his hands into his front pockets, hang his head and amble to the building's door.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Crisis

When Ed reached his dorm room, he slowly opened the door. He didn't want to disturb his brother. All he wanted was the soft comfort of his bed. He entered the room without turning the lights on and fumbled his way to his mattress, feeling around in the dark with outstretched hands. Once he found what he was looking for, he let out a soft sigh and undressed. As he slipped between the smooth sheets, he turned his back to the direction he knew his brother would be in.

"Brother? Where were you?"

Ed cringed.

Al had been waiting all night for Ed to come home. It wasn't like him to be so distant and he didn't like it.

"I was out. Just, out." Ed knew the explanation wouldn't be enough for his brother, but he had to give it a try.

"What do you mean? Out where?" A hint of irritation tinged Al's voice.

"Uh, I was with Mustang." He'd caved. He was just too tired to come up with a better excuse.

"Mustang? Something's going on, isn't it?" Al's voice was laced with concern.

Ed's sleepy eyes flew open and he rolled in the direction of Al's voice. Did Al know something about his sordid affair with Mustang? Had he somehow seen something the night of his birthday party? He carefully chose his words. "What do you mean, going on?" He heard shuffling on the bed against the far wall.

"Why were you out with Mustang? I thought you hated him? Does he have you on some secret assignment or something?" Al's voice grew loud, almost yelling at Ed. He was furious that he'd be left out.

The tension in Ed's body released as he heard the direction his brother's mind was taking. He thought how convenient it would be to just let him believe this was the case. "Yeah, Al, I've got a secret assignment. Sorry, but I can't really talk about it." He winced. He'd never lied to his brother before. Just another thing to feel guilty about, he thought, the critical voice starting up in his head.

"Oh. Well, just be careful. Don't let Mustang make you do something you shouldn't, okay?" Al set his metal body back onto his bed, rustling the covers.

Ed chuckled softly to himself, yeah right, something he shouldn't. He did a lot of things he shouldn't these days, craving the touch of his commanding officer, lying to his brother, enjoying Roy's salty fluid entering his mouth a little too much. Was he a freak? There was that word again popping up in his brain. He remembered Mustangs words, "wow, you really like doing that", "you are really into that, aren't you". Wasn't he supposed to be "into that", he wondered? The old feelings of insecurity rapped on the door of his intellect. There must be something unusual in it, something unusual in him, tainted even. Or why would Roy feel the need to point it out, twice?

Curling himself up under his sheets, Ed tried to stop the chain of self-deprecating thoughts from unraveling. You were too bold tonight, Ed. Keep that up and he'll soon tire of you. He pushed his face into his pillow, tightening his already closed eyelids. Maybe if they were tight enough, the voice wouldn't reach him. You're twisted, Edward Elric, twisted and polluted, the voice whispered to him. "No," he whispered, tears starting to fill his eyes, just as sleep overcame him.

xxx

Ed raced through the halls of Central. A mob of blue clad officers trailed behind him. He attempted to cover his ears with his hands as he ran so he couldn't hear the obscenities being hurled at him. Where was Mustang? Didn't he know what was happening? Didn't he know he had to stop them? Tell them it was okay? Tell them it was normal? Tears streamed down his face as he became frantic. He searched the contents of each room he passed while he ran, looking for the dark head of the man who could make everything all right. His legs felt heavy. His breathing was labored. He knew he'd have to stop soon. Fear escalating, he felt the mob getting closer. "Mustang!" The crowd descended on him, thrashing him about.

"Brother!" Al shook his suffering sibling as he sat next to him on his bed. He was surprised to witness Ed's nightmare. This hadn't happened for years, since right after their mother died and they'd tried to transmute her back to life.

Suddenly, Ed woke, sitting up straight, eyes opened wide and centered on his brother's dark helmeted silhouette. He was confused. Fear from the nightmare still clutched at heart and teased him with panic. "Al?" His breath hitched. "Wh-what happened?"

Al was relieved to have his brother back from whatever horrors he'd been caught up in. "You just had a nightmare. Relax, it's okay now." He stroked Ed's arms with his large gloved hands.

Ed let the words wash over him, reassure him, ease his trembling. He slowly lay back in his bed and curled up on his side, back to his brother. "Oh." He was still befuddled. Bits and pieces of the dream deteriorated while others remained strong. The feeling of everyone detesting him, accusing him, was still vivid.

"Ed?"

"Yeah, Al?" Ed tried to keep his voice steady. He was lost in making sense of the jumble of images, trying to keep his voice steady.

"Why were you screaming about Mustang? Did it have something to do with your assignment?" Something about this new mission was not sitting well with him, it was taking too much of his brother away from him.

Ed gasped, a little too loud maybe. "Was I? It must have been, I-I don't know." his voice teetered on the brink of tears. How he wished Roy was here to calm him. He'd slept so well in his arms last night.

xxx

Ed made his way into headquarters early the next day. He was fed up with the voice that taunted him all morning and longed for the Colonel's presence. His brother was agitating him, too. The constant questioning about the "secret assignment" was wearing him down. He'd told lie after lie to his brother to satiate him. What was the use of having a "secret assignment" if it wasn't really a secret?

He went directly to Mustang's office. There were a few other officers in the room with him, most notably Riza Hawkeye, Havoc, and Fuery. They were all standing over a table, apparently discussing the contents that lay on it. They all turned to glare at him when he entered. The scene brought back disturbing memories of his dream and his eyes searched out Roy's. He knew if he could make contact with him his nerves would calm.

Stepping forward, Roy met Ed close to the entrance of the office. He grasped his elbow with insistence, turned him around, and led him back out to the hallway.

Ed's heart pounded. "What's going on?"

"Shh, I'll tell you in a minute." Roy kept a firm grip on Ed's elbow as they strode down the hall.

A host of questions ate at Ed. Did someone see them together last night? Did the driver talk? He just assumed Roy had the situation taken care of when he'd drawn the curtains in the car. It seemed like he'd done that before. It suddenly felt like a bullet ripped through his chest. Obviously Mustang had done that before. Ed felt jealousy burning in the pit of his stomach as he remembered the ease in which Mustang told the driver to "take the long way", like it was some code. Who was he kidding. He wasn't anyone special. Probably just the fuck of the day for a guy like Mustang. What an idiot he'd been at dinner last night, actually believing the sweet talk that bastard fed him.

Roy hauled Ed into a little used hallway and faced him, confused as to why he was being glared at. "Ed, something's happened and I won't be able to see you today."

Ed felt tears welling in his eyes. His anger had turned to pain. Could it really be the Colonel was already brushing him off? "Why?" He was unable to control the trembling in his voice. He tried to get angry. He wouldn't let Mustang see him cry again. Clenching his teeth and fisting his hands, he braced himself for the worst.

"Ed, why are you so upset?"

"Go ahead, just tell me you don't want to see me anymore. I bet you've already found someone else to share your backseat."

"What?" Roy was dumbfounded now. Edward was not making any sense at all as far as he was concerned. "Are you insane? What on Earth are you talking about?" he took a step back and crossed his arms over his chest. Where would he get an idea like that?

Ed's head lowered and tilted a bit, looking off to the side. His face appeared bitter.

Grabbing Ed, Roy pulled him close, feeling the young man's body grow rigid against his own. "Listen Ed, I don't know where you got that idea, but it's wrong. You understand? It's just plain wrong. I have a crisis on my hands today that needs to be dealt with and that's the only reason I can't see you. I don't want you involved in it either, do you hear me?" His voice was low and firm. He could tell his words were successful. Ed's body relaxed against him and he felt Ed's arms embrace him.

Ed was overwhelmed. The fear and loss he'd felt was too much. He blinked and held tears spilled down over his cheeks.

Roy saw a drop fall from under Ed's bangs. "Damn, Fullmetal," Roy whispered as he tightened his hold and placed a gentle kiss on his head.

So, Ed thought, as he melted into the Colonel's embrace, this is what love feels like. The feeling was overpowering at the moment, bittersweet. He recognized how it had the power to mend or destroy. He pulled himself together, feeling a little embarrassed, and gave the Colonel a quick squeeze before dragging himself away.

As their bodies parted, Ed felt Roy's hand come up and wipe the remnants of tears from his cheeks. Hand cupped his chin and lifted his face. He felt Roy's thumb drag across his lower lip, stopping momentarily at the center. He gazed into the Colonel's eyes just as he lowered his head and pressed his lips to his own. When the kiss ended, Ed leaned forward, craving more. "Roy . . . " Reaching up, he put an arm around Roy's neck.

The look on Ed's face was enough to make Roy swoon. He really didn't want to go back to his office and deal with the developing sticky situation. In fact, if there were time he'd like to finish what they'd started in the car last night. But if Ed caught wind of what they'd found, it would surely tear him apart. He had to protect the young man who was starting to mean so much to him. He felt an urgent tug from around his neck and saw the passionate look on Ed's face. But he resisted. "I'm sorry, I have to get back. I want you to promise me that you'll go back to your room, with your brother, and stay there until this thing blows over. Do you promise?"

Ed nodded, reluctantly, his arms dropping back to his side. He wanted to question Roy on the crisis. Instead, he noticed a shape out of the corner of his eyes and directed his gaze to the larger hallway.

Fuery stood in the hallway with his mouth hanging open.

Flinching, Ed backed up into the wall, trying to hide himself somehow.

Roy also saw the man standing in the hallway gaping at them. He faced him. "Fuery, looking for me?" He acted as if nothing had happened, nothing at all.

"Y-yes, Colonel. Hawkeye needs to see you, right away." His voice was shaky, but steadied as he spoke.

Ed watched Roy's blue jacket billow behind him as he strode passed Fuery and down the hallway, back towards his office. His gaze shifted to the spectacled man, he wasn't sure how much he'd seen. If his facial expression was any indication, he'd seen enough. Ed wasn't sure what to say, if anything.

The two just stood there a moment, looking each other over.

Fuery finally saluted and left.

Exhaling held breath, Ed was both astonished and relieved.

xxx

The rest of the day held it's usual torture for Edward. Now he not only had his yearning for the Colonel waging war against his conscience to deal with, but he also had his curiosity about the serious situation at headquarters to suppress. He'd decided to trust the Colonel's decision for the moment and stay in his room.

Al sat in the corner of their dorm room and watched his brother lay on his bed, try to read, get up, look out the window, try to read on the couch, pace the room, try to take a nap, pace a little more, on and on and on. All the while, he was only offered one to three word sentences to any question or comment he made. Al thought about it in his head, example: Al-what do you think is going on over there, brother? Ed-I don't know. Al-it sure is nice outside, Ed-yes. Al-you're a flipping moron, Ed-yes. Well, he hadn't actually asked the last part, but he wanted to and if he did he was sure he would get the same answer.

His brother was here in the same room with him, finally, after days apart, but he might as well have been in Drachma. He couldn't take anymore of his moping and fidgeting.

Ed was lying on his bed, gazing out the window, having yet another daydream about Roy and him.

"Edward what the hell is wrong with you?" Al's rather loud voice filled the silent room.

Al's sudden question made Ed's body jerk. "Damn-it, Al, what was that for?" Great, just what he needed, he thought, his brother messing with him too.

Al sighed. Did he finally get through? "Ed, I asked you a question. Answer me. And answer with something other than yes, no, or I don't know!" His voice was laced with irritation.

Scowling, Ed's face scrunched up and he shifted on the bed to his side, turning his back toward his brother for the hundredth time that day. "Nothing's wrong with me. I'm just tired and worried about what they found at headquarters. Just leave me alone." Ed had been caught up in a dramatic daydream regarding Roy confessing his love for him. They'd been sitting on a park bench in the rain. What a pussy, he told himself, those kinds of daydreams were for girls, snap out of it. It's just that he made a subconscious note to himself that day to keep any daydreams clean since he'd have his brother breathing down his neck and he didn't want a repeat of yesterday morning's shower escapade. He returned his gaze to the window, evening wasn't coming fast enough, he just wanted to go to sleep and put his mind at rest.

Al rose and clanked over to his brother's side. Ed's words had cut deep. He stood by the side of Ed's bed. "Brother?" Emotion lay heavy in his voice.

Wincing, Ed turned around with the sorrowful sound of Al's voice. He held out his hand to his armored brothers arm and guided him to the bed, helping him sit down on the edge. Ed sat up, putting his arm around what would be his brother's waist. God, how he wished his brother had his body back so he could feel his warmth next to him again. He didn't even think Al could feel the arm that reached out to connect with him.

"Ed, where have you gone? I miss you." Al was miserable.

"Damn, Al, I'm right here. I'll always be right here." Sighing, Ed leaned his body against the back of the cold metal container housing his brother's soul. He'd give anything to see his face again. It'd been so long, he hardly remembered what he looked like. For the moment, he pretended the hard metal was soft flesh, and he could almost reach out and touch Al's silky blonde hair. As he rested his cheek on an imaginary small back, his vision shattered with the sound of crystalline drops softly tapping smooth metal. His head shifted and his forehead pressed hard on the silver casing. His weeping became audible as his shoulders began to shake.

Al twisted around, repositioning Ed on his metal chest and embraced him. "Brother," Al whispered.

They held each other for a few minutes, trying desperately to reconnect what had been severed by the week's events.

"I'm sorry, Al. I—" Sobs broke though Ed's words.

"No, don't speak. It's okay." Al figured whatever was happening was breaking his brother's heart and he didn't want to make him relive it. "Whatever it is, just do what you have to do. Don't worry about me. I'll be here when it's over."

The selfless offering his brother so freely gave him brought fresh tears to Ed's eyes. He wept, holding the metal shell tighter, trying to will it into something pliable, more human. His guilt ate fiercely at him. But he couldn't release it. He couldn't tell his brother the real reason behind the distance between them.

xxx

Ed woke up and looked out the window next to his bed. It was still dark outside and the moon was only a sliver. Turning over, he glanced at the clock on the small table between the two beds. It read two a.m. Mustang had to be home by now, he thought, scanning the ceiling. Would he really do it? He'd been thinking about it all day. It was always just below the surface, waiting to shove it's way through. Yes, he would. He had to or he'd go crazy in this room, stuck with only his imagination. He got up and quietly dressed. As he opened the door to the room, he heard his brother's soft voice.

"Bye Edward," Al whispered, into the darkness.

xxx

Roy was fast asleep. The day's events had thoroughly worn him out. He slowly stirred to the sound of steady tapping on his bedroom window. "Huh?" He heard it again, sounding like metal hitting glass. Sitting up in his bed, he focused his attention on the window. There was a dark figure peering back at him. For a second he felt fear. But as he started to recognize the familiar outline of the person outside, he smiled and climbed out of bed.

Roy didn't like to sleep with any clothes on, even when he was alone. That fact made Ed's blood boil as he watched the Colonel's naked body head toward him. Ed became fascinated by the languid movement of Roy's body and the whiteness of his skin.

Leaning in close to the window, Roy pried the pane sideways. "Ed, this is a pleasant surprise. Hungry, are we?" Even though it was dark, he could see the raw need in Edward's eyes. "Come to the door and I'll let you in."

Roy put on a bathrobe before strolling to his front door. He only had to turn the knob and the door flung open. His braided visitor ran into his arms, wrapping himself around him and burying a cold face into his neck. Roy returned the embrace as he shut the door with his foot. He breathed in his lover's scent, fresh again from being outdoors. "Edward." he whispered. After a few moments, he led the young man into the comfort of his bedroom.

Once inside, Ed stood still, allowing the older man to disrobe him, slowly and sensually, boots and all. In-between each article of clothing removed, urgent kisses flamed across his skin, making him moan and tilt his head. When he was completely bare, Ed felt Roy take his flesh hand and lead him to the bed.

Ed watched his lover remove his bathrobe, climb into the bed, and hold his arms out to him.

"Come here, Ed."

Ed submitted himself to Roy's embrace, lowering himself into strong arms.

The two fell gently into still warm sheets.

Sighing, Ed felt skin contact skin, and the heat from Roy's body as it pressed against him. He was hard, aching, as he felt the insistent kisses resume hot traces on his neck and chest. But suddenly, unexpectedly, what he really needed was something different. "Hold me, Roy…please, just hold me." Without saying a word he felt his lover do exactly as he requested.

As the minutes passed, Ed's guilt, shame, and fear relaxed and his lust for the Colonel returned. Ed became acutely aware of the feel of Roy's skin against him and his erection pressing against his own. The sumptuous feel of it all urged him to rock his hips against Roy. The pressure sent a sweet surge of pleasure through him. His breathing quickened and he let out a soft moan.

Roy let his grip loosen as Edward slid downward, positioning his head between Roy's legs. He felt hands and fingers caressing his thighs, one slightly cool. The hands found his length, teasing him with soft strokes. Moaning, he thrust into the sensation. He'd been hoping for this all day. He felt Ed take him in his mouth and heard his urgent whimper. Roy smiled for a second as a thought occurred to him. Ed was as talented at blow-jobs as he was at alchemy, who knew? As Ed's head bobbed up and down on top of him, Roy surrendered himself to every stroke, every flick of the tongue.

Ed's erection ached painfully as he sucked and licked at Roy. He knew if he let himself contact anything at the moment, he'd spill. Trembling horribly, he let out his frustrations by writhing over Roy's hips, doing his best to keep it all inside. His moans were coming at a frenzied pace. He wasn't sure how long he could keep going, but he had to. He could almost taste Roy's seed. Why did this craze him so?

Reaching his hands down, Roy stopped Ed's flurry of activity. "Ed, come here and rest a minute." He helped Ed come back up to lie beside him, on his back. Roy rolled on his side to face him. He watched his young lover in the soft glow of moonlight that pierced the window.

Ed was panting and had a pained expression on his face. Watching the ceiling. he put his automail arm up to his forehead. The cool metal felt soothing against his flushed face. "Why did you stop me?" He felt fear trying to take hold of his heart. Was he doing something wrong? Didn't Roy like it?

Roy put his arm around Ed's torso and watched as Ed's gaze shifted to him. "I wanted to try something else."

"Why? Wasn't it good enough?" Ed's voice wavered.

"God yes, Ed, you're phenomenal. I just thought we could do something different, more, intimate." Roy felt his desire rise with anticipation.

The Colonel's words peaked Ed's interest and lay his fears to rest. "What?" He was suddenly eager to try whatever Roy had in mind.

Roy slid himself over Ed. He started to kiss Ed's lips, delicately at first, then with higher insistence. "I want you to enter me." He placed gentle bites on Ed's neck.

The words shook Ed. Enter Roy, but how? Obviously he was about to find out. "I-I want that, sh-show me." How much power would he have over Mustang if he was inside him? The thought sent chills up his spine and lit his groin on fire.

Roy left him for a minute and opened the familiar drawer to pull out the lotion. Ed watched, enticed by the spread of the lotion on Roy's hands. He gasped when Roy covered his erection with slick fingers, transferring the lotion. Ed felt Roy tugging at him, rolling him over on top of him.

Roy spread his legs underneath Ed.

Ed felt his slick length fall between Roy's thighs

Roy grinned wickedly up at Ed as he guided him into the crevice of his behind. Pressing on Ed's behind, he urged Ed inside.

Ed drove instinctively into Roy's entrance. A loud cry escaped him, followed by gasping as pleasure rocked his senses. Dropping his head to Roy's chest, he let the tightness consume him. He pulled out slowly and drove back in, craving the new sensation and the look of raw gratification on Roy's face each time he did it.

Roy positioned himself so Ed's thrusts hit the sensitive knot of nerves inside him. Holding Ed firm, he took sweet friction from the Blonde's stomach. He watched as Ed's thrusts reached their pinnacle and spun the young man into near hysterics. Roy felt his own surge looming close behind and was all at once surprised and grateful when Ed lifted himself a bit and slid his hand over Roy's pulsing erection, pumping the fluid out of him.

When it was over, the pair lay entwined, sweat chilling the exposed parts of their bodies. They tried to calm their still heavy breathing.

Ed couldn't believe what he'd just experienced. Hadn't he made fun of that situation with an immature internal comment a few days ago? He'd never think of it the same way again. He felt Roy pull the covers over them and he lay warmed in his lovers embrace as sleep took him.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Secrets

Ed snuggled in closer to his lover's side. His demons were cleansed for the time being. As he let his mind wander, he reflected back on the last few days' events. He recognized he needed some explanations. What was it exactly they had between them? "Roy?" Ed was pensive, not really sure how to bring up the topic he wanted to discuss.

"Yes, Ed." Roy had almost been asleep.

"Um, why me? I mean, why did you pick me, that night, on my birthday?" Ed pushed his face into Roy's chest, attempting to hide in case he didn't like the answer he was about to receive.

Roy felt uneasy with the question. He realized he needed to choose his words wisely as he internally reviewed some of the strange comments and questions he'd heard out of Ed. The last thing he wanted was to hurt him unnecessarily. "Well, Ed, I-I guess I've always been drawn to you. You probably never would have guessed it, though. I'd never have done anything before you were of age." He hoped his answer would end the discussion.

Ed felt a little bolder. "But, why were you drawn to me? How did you know I, I've had weird feelings for boys before?"

"I didn't. I just took a chance and hoped it would turn out okay." Roy realized he hadn't answered the first part of the question. "I don't know why I was drawn to you, I guess maybe I see things in you that are lacking in myself."

Ed propped up on his arms and looked Roy directly in the eyes. His golden locks formed a veil around them. "What do you see? What is in me that could possibly be worth your time? How could you have picked me when I'm so, so, such a freak?" His voice reflected his growing anxiousness. He needed Roy to make him okay, to fix the child inside that was abandoned by his father, watched helplessly as his mother died, and caused his brother to live in a body made of metal.

Roy became alarmed at the direction the questions were taking and the word he used for himself. He had no idea Ed felt so poorly about himself. It certainly never showed in his work or in his previous relationship with him. He never would have treated him the way he did if he'd known that. He saw the glitter of tears pooling in Ed's eyes. It was difficult to witness the agony twisting his beautiful face.

Roy put a fierce grip on Ed's arms and began to shake him. "Ed, don't say that. Goddamn-it, you are not a freak!"

Ed's tears spilled onto his cheeks and ran down to his delicate chin. His mouth hung open.

"You are not a freak." Suddenly, Roy drew him in close. He held Ed so tight, he hoped he wasn't crushing him, but his desire to eliminate Ed's suffering was so strong. He knew all to well what it felt like to hate yourself and he certainly didn't want Ed to feel that way. "Ed, I can't let you think like that—"

"But, but you . . . you think I like—" Ed gulped, gaining strength to confess all his sins. "sucking on your, your, too much, and, and . . . I can't stop thinking about you, about doing things to you, nasty things . . . and my brother caught me in the shower, I was, I was thinking about you and me, doing things, and, he caught me, touching myself, and, and I did it at headquarters, in the bathroom. I-I shouldn't be doing things like that, right? I shouldn't be like this. Something's wrong, wrong with me, I-I'm damaged . . . " His voice mingled with sobs as he broke down completely.

Roy held him even tighter still. The confession broke his heart. His lover's guilt about his sexuality was beyond anything he'd ever experienced. How much of what he was saying was driven by childhood circumstances? Surely it couldn't have been easy to lose everything he'd lost. Roy felt his own hot tears roll down the side of his cheeks as he clenched his eyes shut and pushed his face into the top of Ed's hair. It was then he knew what he had to do. This couldn't be a casual affair. He spoke gently to the broken young man. "Ed, you are normal. You're not doing anything wrong. It's perfectly all right to feel like you do, to want the things you want. I love the fact that you like to give me pleasure. I love the reaction you have to it. It's pure, it's you."

"But, do you love . . . me?" Ed's voice was timid. His crying as stopped while he waited for Roy's answer.

Roy gasped. He hadn't seen that coming. His mind raced. How did he feel exactly about Ed? Did he love him? No. How could he love anyone else but Maes? Even though his body lay cold and decayed in the Earth, he didn't believe he could ever really love anyone but him. How could he possibly say those words to anyone else? He realized Ed needed to hear it and he'd better say something fast, but what? The truth? In Ed's current state, would the truth crush him? Roy realized he was in way over his head this time. "Ed, I care deeply for you. It kills me to hear you talk like this. I'll always be here for you, always."

Ed felt strangled. His love was not returned. So, this was what love was like, it devastated people. He wondered briefly if his confession was to blame. Maybe he said too much? Maybe he'd scared Roy? Maybe Roy was just being nice, doing the right thing telling him all those convenient explanations. Did it really matter? He knew at least right now, tonight, Roy was his. Maybe he couldn't have Roy's heart, but he could have his body. He could make him squirm. He could possess power over him whenever he wanted and he needed to now, just to make himself feel better. He felt himself hardening as he pressed into Roy's side.

Roy was surprised by how quiet Ed had gotten. When he felt Ed's erection pressing against him, he even smiled, figuring he'd said the right thing after all. "You didn't get enough, huh?"

"I can never get enough of you, Roy Mustang." Ed's voice was unemotional. Loosening himself from Roy's grasp, he dropped between his legs. He chuckled softly as he realized this was his favorite place, his position of control. He worked Roy with his hands first, making him firm and solid, causing the Flame Alchemist to burn. He watched Roy twist on the bed, moans escaping freely. He put his mouth over Roy, letting the sweet feel of him on his tongue feed his own needs, emotional as well as physical. As his own passion flared, he started to moan. Ed's groin was humming as he dominated Roy's reactions. He brought him close to the brink, hovering at the place just before surrender. A tap of the tongue on the right spot, or a tight push downward with his mouth, the choice was his. He decided to make him wait, beg for it even. Ed stopped all movement and peered, lust burning in his eyes, up at Roy, his own erection pulsating with an insatiable desire.

When he stopped, Roy looked down at Ed. He was sitting up with his legs folded underneath him. He appeared wild, inhuman almost. But who cared, he was getting the best damn blow-job he'd ever had. "Come on, Ed, keep going." Why did he stop anyway? Still getting no response, Roy sat up, reaching down for Ed's erection, wondering along the way if he stopped because he'd prematurely climaxed again.

As Roy's hand drew near to his thighs, Ed slapped it away. "Don't." His voice was low, like a growl. He couldn't let Roy touch him, not now. He enjoyed the feeling washing over him. The alluring sensation that he and his lover were so close to the place where everything peeled away and only pure instinct remained. Too bad it faded so quickly. "Beg me, Roy." Ragged breaths escaped him.

Roy was confused, but he'd comply. He found Ed's new attitude intoxicating. Lying back down on the bed, he reached his hand out to caress whatever part of Ed he could. He did his best to give Ed what he asked for. "Ed, suck on me, please. I'm so close. You feel so good . . . " He must have done well. He heard

Ed moan and saw him bend over his knees, falling onto his forearms, positioned on either side of Roy's waist. Ed's forehead pressed into Roy's navel. With the way his hips were swaying, Roy thought maybe he was climaxing now, without him. Then he felt Ed's warm full lips brushing ticklish areas of his lower abdomen and a tongue licking his skin.

Ed licked a trail down to Roy's erection and hungrily devoured him. He couldn't hold off any longer. Even though he'd allowed no physical stimulation, he was ready to burst. Unyielding and insistent with the tempo and pressure he applied, his mouth and flesh hand, worked in tandem. Feeling Roy's body grow rigid, he could taste his pre-seed. He finally allowed himself some physical contact as he moved his saliva-covered hand over his humming length. He drank the part of Roy he could never have as wave after wave crested through his body and flowed into his hand. He lay down between Roy's legs, head resting by a hip, panting. "I love you, Roy Mustang," he whispered, too softly for the recipient to hear.

xxx

The next morning, Ed woke up alone in Roy's bed again. He lifted himself up from his side, his arms extending as his gaze remained on the rumpled sheets below him. What was he doing here? He remembered the little talk they'd had. Did he make a fool of himself? He shook his head as he thought of all the things he'd said. Roy must think he's an idiot. He shouldn't have pushed him like that, shouldn't have forced Roy to reveal his lack of love for him. And then making Roy beg, oh God, he shouldn't have done that. What got into him? What sordid fragment of himself was responsible for that? He climbed to the edge of the bed and dressed, trying to push his self-doubt back into a mental closet. He couldn't sit around his dorm room again today. He just couldn't handle being left alone with his thoughts again. He required distraction.

After dressing, he walked towards the Colonel's front door and stopped again at the small table that held the picture of Roy with Meas. He noticed a slender drawer just under the top, almost hidden. Impulsively, he pulled the drawer open. There were letters tossed about inside, some addressed to the Colonel and some to Maes Hughes. Ed's heart sank. He shouldn't read them, shouldn't try to discover how deep their relationship went. But before his conscience had a chance to catch up to his hand, he already had one open, his eyes hungrily digesting the contents.

Dearest Maes,

I hope this letter finds you well. It seems like it's been a hundred years since I've seen you. I miss you horribly and being here is like a jail sentence. All I can do is count the days until I come home to you. I'm so tired and scared. The front is brutal. The death I'm forced to see is so senseless. It's starting to haunt me, day and night. All I hear are screams of pain. All I see are other young men, just like me, dying everywhere I look. I need you so badly. I just want to see your smiling face and feel your arms around me. Your memory is the only thing that keeps me going. I promise to make it through, to come back to you. You know how much I love you, maybe too much.

Always,

Roy Mustang

As Ed read the last line a second time, a tear escaped from his cheek and fell to the paper, making a small splash mark. He sniffled, wiped the drop off, refolded the paper, and tucked it away into its envelope, returning it to the drawer. He couldn't help but open another letter and another. Each one disclosed the incredible love they had for each other and the pain and heartache they suffered apart. They'd pledged themselves to one another numerous times. Devotion and a commitment to never be separated again ran through many of the folded papers. Ed's tears fell silently as he wished _he_ were Maes, wished _he_ could invoke feelings like that from Roy.

So Maes' marriage to Gracia was only a front, he pondered. How much of their relationship was she aware of and why on earth did Maes ever marry? Then he remembered his own previous view of Colonel Mustang, the womanizer - the man who lived to see women in miniskirts. He guessed they had fooled them all. But why would Mustang feel the need to hide it? He didn't seem overly concerned about letting affections slip with him? Probably because Maes meant so much more to him, maybe it threatened his plan to become Fuhror somehow. How stupid he'd been. How naive of him to not know any of this had been going on. He wiped his face with the back of his sleeve, placed the last letter back in it's holder, and shut the drawer before he headed back to his dorm room.

xxx

Ed entered the library feeling refreshed. He'd had a long uneventful shower and his stomach was full. He'd somehow avoided his critical voice. Maybe he'd just been too tired for it to wake up? He tried to come in unnoticed, afraid someone would send him back to his dorm room. He hadn't seen his brother today. He wondered briefly where he might be. No matter, he had some reading to catch up on and studying to do. It felt good to get out and do something constructive.

-O-

Roy Mustang was feeling guilty, pure and simple. He couldn't shake this feeling of betrayal. But who was he betraying, Ed or Maes? He'd woken early and showered in the guest bath so he could leave Ed sleeping again. He hated to just leave him there, especially after the heart-wrenching confession he'd witnessed. But he had some thinking to do. He looked out the window of his car, watching the city give way to trees and grass. The car slowed and turned into the cemetery drive, tombstones glowed in the early morning light.

-O-

Ed worked unencumbered for a few hours when he saw Havoc and Fuery enter the building. He jumped from his seat and hid behind a wall of books. He knew if they saw him they'd tell Roy and he'd be ordered home. He held his breath as the two strolled straight in his direction, their voices becoming clear as they approached. He stood as still as he could when he heard them stop just on the other side. Only a thin row of books separated them.

-O-

Roy stood in front of the same tombstone he'd visited countless times. This time was different somehow. The sun peeked behind puffy clouds and the air was warming. A light breeze ruffled his black hair and blue uniform tails. The torturous sorrow he usually had was lessened. He never thought it would get any easier, but it had. His eyes scanned the engraved letters as if they held the essence of the man he'd cherished. Usually when he came here, it was with only two questions, "why" and "why not me". He understood that Hughes did what he had to protect him, took it all on himself so Roy would be spared. But he didn't ask to be left all alone here. He wasn't even given the option.

-O-

Ed listened silently as the tall blonde and the spectacled man talked.

"I can't believe Roy is banging Fullmetal," Fuery said.

"Why not? He's fresh blood now that he's eighteen," Havoc said, like it was obvious.

"Shouldn't someone put a stop to it though? He is his subordinate," Fuery said.

"Shit, Fuery, if they stopped Mustang from fucking his subordinates the guy would have nobody." Havoc chuckled.

"What? Are you kidding me? He hasn't, I mean . . . " Fuery sounded uneasy.

"God, no. I'm not a flaming faggot. But Mustang goes both ways and a lot of the guys get a kick out of sticking it to the Colonel, know what I mean?" Havoc nudged Fuery with his elbow and laughed out loud.

Ed winced. That was painful to hear.

"It all started when Maes Hughes died, you know. They had quite a thing. I mean, sure Maes married Gracia, but he really loved Roy. I overheard them once. The Colonel said he'd never love anyone else." Havoc's expression changed as he remembered their fallen comrade.

Ed covered his mouth. His lower lip trembled and his body started to shake.

"Well, I wonder how long it will be before he dumps Fullmetal for me then." Fuery's words held a tone of sarcasm.

There was a short silence.

"Uh, I was just kidding," Fuery said.

"Shut up and look for that book Hawkeye wanted on homunculus." Havoc said.

One hand clamped tight over Ed's mouth while his free arm wrapped snug around him. Tears blurred his vision. He bent over a little. His subconscious voice had found him. See, the Colonel could never love you. You're not good enough.

"I can't believe they found Fullmetal's mother," Fuery said, suddenly.

Ed's mind was ripped back to the present. They found his mother? What the hell?

"Yeah, can't believe she'd pop up as a homunculus in Ishbal. I guess she must have had a hard time of it until the others found her," Havoc said.

-O-

Roy's voice was soft as he spoke to the cold gravestone. "Maes, God, how I've missed you. I think I have something to tell you though. I hope you'll forgive me for this. What am I saying, of course you'd forgive me. You'd probably say I should have done this a long time ago." He chuckled though tears hung suspended on his lower lids. "I have sort of a confession to make. I think I'm moving on. There's someone who needs me, Maes. You remember that blond boy I brought back from Risembool? Yeah, the one you were always kind of jealous over, so I had to make him stay at your house? Well, I think I actually might, love him now. I know, I promised, to love only you. But, you left me." Roy started to stammer as the tears flowed. He'd always thought that loving another would mean the special love he had for Maes would be forgotten, like his whole life would be erased. But seeing the tombstone after what happened last night clarified to him he could love again without losing the extraordinary place Maes held in his heart.

-O-

Ed couldn't remain silent any longer. Bursting out from his hiding place, he confronted the two men. "What do you mean, you found my mother?" he shouted through tears.

Stunned, Havoc and Fuery's eyes darted from each other back to the distraught young alchemist.

Stomping up to Fuery, Ed pulled him down by his lapels so their noses almost touched. "Goddamn-it, tell me where she is or I'll make you regret it!" he screamed.

"Uh, uh, she's s-sup—"

"Shut up Fuery! Ed, you need to go back to your room. Forget you ever heard that." Havoc's voice was firm and loud.

Ed shifted his glare to Havoc and seized his jacket front with his metal hand. "Just give me a reason, Havoc. I'll break both your legs." His voice hissed with rage.

"She's working at the Dubliner, in Ishbal." Fuery flinched right after the words escaped his lips.

Releasing his grasp and in a flurry of red and black, Ed dashed out the building and into the streets of Central.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Demons and Mother

Roy sauntered into the building housing his office. He felt relieved, now he'd come clean with Maes' memory. Now he could focus on capturing and destroying the homunculus Edward and his brother had made in their failed attempt to transmutate their mother. He was also looking forward to an intimate evening with Ed. The young man didn't know it yet, but Roy wanted to disclose his newly discovered love in a special way. Not something cheesy, that wasn't his style. Just something special only Ed would understand.

As he approached his office door, he saw Havoc, Fuery, and Hawkeye standing in the entrance appearing rather anxious. Havoc couldn't quite seem to meet his gaze and Hawkeye looked like she was holding a pity party. He felt trepidation as he approached the pathetic crowd. "Okay, what happened now?" He didn't want whatever it was to dampen his good mood.

"I'm sorry Colonel," Fuery said, flinching.

Roy looked at him quizzically. "For what?"

"Colonel, apparently Fullmetal was in the library this morning and overheard Havoc and Fuery discussing Sloth," Riza Hawkeye said, turning her gaze to the guilty pair.

Both Havoc and Fuery lowered their heads.

"They told him where she was," Riza said, with hesitation.

Roy's carefree demeanor changed drastically. His gloved hands turned into fists, shaking. When Riza tried to resume her dialog, Roy's jaw clenched tight

"I'm sorry, Roy. We don't know where he is at the moment." Riza reached out a hand to Roy's arm and squeezed in a gesture of sympathy.

"I'll find him." Roy's voice resounded in determination. His anger and fear was so all encompassing he had to fight to keep from snapping his fingers and igniting Havoc and Fuery. He kept telling himself lighting them up wouldn't change anything. Ed would still be out there searching for his imposter mother. "Hawkeye, take charge." Roy turned to leave.

"But someone should go with you, Sir," Riza said.

Roy was already a few steps away. "No. I have to do this alone."

xxx

Ed sat on the Ishbal-bound train gazing forlornly out the window. Letting out a heavy sigh, he waited for his demons to cradle him. He hadn't had time to find Al before he left. He didn't really want to tell Al about the woman in Ishbal anyway. No, it was better he went by himself and saw first hand what or who she was before he let Al in on the secret. Another secret to keep from his brother, when would it end? Now he'd started lying to him, it was hard to stop. Well, was it really a lie if he just withheld the truth? Of course it was, Edward, you know better than that.

What about Mustang? Ed was surprised to realize he'd actually spent an hour or so not thinking about him for a change. Now he had hours to rehash every word spoken, every kiss, every way his heart was trampled on. The knot in his chest squeezed. He had to control the urge to break down. There were other people around and he was already contemptible enough.

He leaned back in his seat, head tilting backward, and wrapped his flesh hand around his forehead, blanketing his vision in darkness and hiding the excess liquid in his eyes. "Mustang," he whispered. He'd allowed himself to say his name out loud, but not the fond first name he'd recently started to identify him with.

The ride turned into a careening downward spiral, as Ed's demon voice came out in full force.

_So, Mustang just wanted sex and you had to make it into something more than it was. He could never love you. No one could ever love you, not even your father. Even Al has deserted you. He didn't even wait for you to get home today. Did you hear the word they used for you Edward? Did you hear what you are? You like sticking it to the Colonel, don't you? In fact, you're getting hard thinking about it right now, aren't you? _

Ed squirmed in his seat. He felt heat growing between his legs, the kind that couldn't readily be ignored.

_You ought to go take care of that, before you make a bigger fool of yourself in front of all these people._

Images of the previous nights encounter flooded his mind. He couldn't control it. He could almost feel what it was like to be inside his lover. He had to satiate the addiction the demon aroused.

Rising from his seat, Ed took a moment to steady himself. He clutched his red robe tight around him so his lower half was sufficiently covered. His breathing became labored as he made his way to the restroom. By the time he got there and locked himself into the one-person room, his whole body was on fire with persistent humming in anticipation.

Now panting, he rushed to remove his belt and open his pants. He spit quickly in his hand and slid down to the floor, stroking hard on himself. Frantic moans came out of him as the itch was scratched. In his mind's eye, he was back in his favorite place, between his lover's legs. He wasn't stroking himself. It was Roy he pleasured. He heard Roy's soft begging and it drove his eruption of his climax to new heights. He wriggled on the floor with the intensity, eyes shut tight, falling sideways. When it was over, he licked sticky fingers, trying to remember what his lover tasted like.

As he lay on the floor, it no longer occurred to him how it must look. His pride had evaporated along with his desire. He wanted to be back in Roy's warm soft bed, in his arms. He needed him. How was he going to face this creature who bore resemblance to his mother alone, the creature he'd created?

Curling up, he wrapped his arms around his legs. Suddenly, all he saw was red, blood red. His psyche was mortally wounded, bleeding internally. He started to laugh, though he wasn't happy. What a moron, he thought, to be laying on this cold filthy floor, just a boy and his demon. Tears pushed through and rolled down his cheeks as the laughter quieted. He listened to the sound of the train's wheels clacking on its tracks. His mind was finally quieted and his eyes closed.

xxx

Ed stood between empty tables at the French restaurant. He was confused.

Roy Mustang was sitting at their table with Maes Hughes.

Why was _he_ here, Ed wondered? Roy was supposed to be with _him_ now.

Roy and Meas were laughing, sharing a bottle of wine.

Ed walked up to the couple and stood at the edge of the table. Surely Roy would notice him and say something, he thought. But they kept on talking to one another, acting like he didn't exist. He watched as Roy reached across the table to take the hand Meas rested there.

"Meas, I love you, so much," Roy said, smiling.

"What about me? Huh, Roy?" Ed screamed.

Roy continued to smile at Maes.

"Roy? Look at me. Roy?" Ed slammed his fists on the table. Wine splashed out of the glasses. The wine bottle swayed uncertainly. Ed pushed his face directly into Roy's.

Roy looked right passed Ed, still smiling at Maes.

"Goddamn-it, Roy, he's dead. He's dead, don't you see that?" Ed screamed as his fists pounded on the table, over and over. The wine glasses tipped. Red liquid made grotesque designs on the white pristine tablecloth.

The pounding of fists on the table echoed in Edward's head when his eyes opened. Then he heard it again, louder, insistent.

"Hey, are you okay in there?" a man said from the other side of the restroom door.

Ed lifted his head and looked around. He was still on the floor of the restroom. Raising his body up to sitting, he brushed his flesh hand through his long bangs. He winced as he remembered what he did. His lap was still faintly sticky and his pants were still undone. How could he just fall asleep like that? He knew he didn't get much sleep last night, but come on. How was he going to face a homunculus when he couldn't even stay awake?

"Okay, we're coming in," the man shouted.

Ed's train of thought shattered. He couldn't let anyone see him like this. "No! No don't come in, I-I'm fine. I'll be right out, just, just give me a second." He quickly stood, cleaned himself off, and refastened his pants and belt. Standing at the door, he did his best to appear normal before he opened it.

Ed opened the door and stepped out to the surprised conductor and various fellow riders. "Sorry, I got a little sick, but I'm okay now." He rubbed a hand over his stomach.

He made his way back to his seat and plopped down with a heavy sigh. He leaned his head to the side against the window, letting it bump his temple. Staring at the empty seat in front of him, he felt horribly lonely. His dream was still vivid. It clarified for him exactly how he felt with Mustang. He was so insignificant. He couldn't even get him to hear his voice. Mustang had never answered his question last night, did he? He just skirted around it, saying all kinds of nice things, not the words he needed to hear. Because it wasn't true, Mustang didn't love him. Sadness left him. He was only numb. His feelings didn't exist, just like he didn't exist in Mustang's eyes.

-O-

Roy peered out the window of his car as it sped across the countryside. The sun was hanging low in the sky. It seemed like he'd been sitting in the back seat of his car for years. He glanced quickly at the seat beside him, remembering the night he and Ed enjoyed each other there. It seemed like it was so long ago. He hoped he could get to Ishbal ahead of Ed. Hoped he could spare the young man the pain of seeing the homunculus he'd created. What would she do if she found him, Roy wondered? If she rejected him, how would Ed react?

Roy realized he was chewing a nail down to the quick as his mind raced to keep up to its own images. Images of his lover defeated and bloodied, of him dying. The last vision made him wince. No, he wouldn't let that happen ever again to someone he loved. And he did love Edward Elric, fiercely. "Hold on, Ed, I'm almost there," he whispered.

-O-

The train pulled up to the Ishbal station and hissed to a stop. Ed was fast asleep again. His head was still resting against the window. He felt a hand shake his shoulder. "Roy?" His eyes fluttered open. A tall blonde woman with large blue eyes stood in front of him. She smiled at him before turning her attentions to two small boys trying to run ahead of her. Ed licked his lips and looked out the glass. He read the sign just outside his window. "Ishbal Station."

Unease almost overwhelmed him as he got up from his seat. His knees practically knocked together as he started down the aisle, they shook so much. He breathed in deep and tried counting to ten, fondly remembering his mother telling him to do that as a child when he was upset. His mother. Would the homunculus have memories of him and Al, their home, of his father? It was almost dinnertime and he felt hunger gnawing at him even through his anxiousness. It was time to see her.

xxx

Ed stood in front of the Dubliner. It wasn't hard to find. He'd just had to ask a local and they'd given him directions. He looked up, breathed, and counted once again before he entered the establishment.

His eyes darted around the dark restaurant as he waited for a table to clear. The walls were covered with wood paneling and an ancient wooden bar with intricate carvings sat in the center of the room. The scent of cooking, beer, and cigarettes floated around him.

A thin, balding man walked up to Ed. "How many?"

Ed gulped hard. "Uh, one."

"Follow me." The man showed Ed to a table close to the bar. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"Um, yeah, how about a beer?" Ed sat at the table, taking a menu as it was handed to him. When he held the menu up to his face, he noticed how much it shook. The beer couldn't get here quick enough, as far as he was concerned.

Soon, the host returned with the beer. He sat it down in front of Ed and silently walked off.

Ed lifted the mug to his lips and started gulping like he'd just walked in from the other side of the desert. He kept his focus on the room, surveying the appearance of every waitress, bartender, and busser, excited and scared to death to see his mother's features on one of them. He set the almost empty beer back down and started to relax. Maybe she wasn't here tonight, he wondered. Or, maybe the military was mistaken.

"Can I take your order?" a woman's voice asked, hauntingly familiar.

Ed looked up and stared into the face of the woman he hadn't seen since he was a child. His eyes grew wide and his mouth hung open in shock.

"Can I take your order? Are you deaf?" Sloth was irritated by his lack of response to the question. "Can't you see I'm a little busy here?"

"Uh, uh, y-yes, um, I'll have the, the, the sausage and, and, and the rice." He watched, speechless, as she ripped the menu from his grasp and left for the kitchen. As the metal doors swung behind her, Ed slumped over in his chair. She looked so real, but she had to be a homunculus, right? His mind went over all the possibilities and information he knew about the creature she was.

So, the being Ed saw in the circle the night he almost lost Al survived. He wondered how in the world she ended up working in a restaurant in Ishbal? And why did she show up now, after all these years? A plate of food was set down on the table in front of him. He looked up at the brown hair and large eyes, trying not to stare again.

"Do you want another beer?" she asked.

Ed nodded. He watched as she turned to leave again.

Hesitating, she came back and faced him. "Do I know you? You look so familiar." She appeared puzzled.

"I-I do?" Hope stung his heart. Maybe somehow she'd come back unblemished, not like the others.

"Yeah, I'm sure I've seen you somewhere before. Do you come in here a lot?"

"Uh, no. I don't actually live here. I-I live in Central. B-but I'm from Resembool." He wanted to see if the name jogged her memories.

"Really? So am I. We must have seen each other there, except, except I don't really remember all that much from Resembool." Her eyes glazed over for a moment. "No bother, we should talk when I'm done here, if you can stick around, seeing as how we're both from the same town."

Ed's eyes filled with tears. She was so nice to him. Her mannerisms matched his mother's perfectly. It was like she really was back from the grave. "Yes, of course, I can wait." He struggled to keep the tears at bay.

"Oh, well, good." She trotted off.

As soon as she left, Ed felt his anger emerge. That bastard Mustang, what right did he have to keep this from me? What was he going to do anyway, just kill her before I found out? He seethed. It became a convenient feeling to use to mask the pain and betrayal he actually felt.

After getting his food, Ed started eating, watching the woman move around the floor of the pub as she worked. She seemed happy enough, not evil or devious at all. She even seemed to know a few of the customers fairly well. When she dropped off his second and even third beer, she'd smiled at him. Ed remembered back to when he was a child and his mother served him and Al dinner in their home. She always had that same smile on her face. Ed sat for an hour or so, waiting patiently as patrons finished their meals and left.

Finally, Sloth came and sat down at Ed's table. She'd brought him a fourth beer, without him requesting it. She rested her chin on the back of her hands as she gazed at him. "This one's on me. So, what's your name?"

The numerous beers and seeing his mother sitting across the table made Ed almost giddy. "Edward, uh, Edward Elric." He grinned at her and grabbing the beer mug. As he took a gulp, he saw Sloth's face grow dim. He set the beer back down and waited while she seemed to process something.

"E-Edward, I know that name, it was the name of my . . . " Her eyes locked on to Edward's. "I-I had children once, I think. One of them was named, was named . . . " Her eyes filled with tears.

In a flash, Ed rose up from the table and rushed to kneel down in front of her.

She turned to face him.

Ed clutched her hands, gazing up at her. "Mother?" All his hopes and dreams hinged on that one word.

"Edward? Edward." A faint smiled curled her lips.

Ed couldn't hold back. He didn't care if she was a homunculus. She remembered him. Some piece of his mother was still alive in this creature and it nourished a hunger in him. Head falling down to her lap, he started to weep. He didn't care who saw him. This was beyond his control. He felt her warm hands loosen from his grip and touch the back of his head, caressing him.

She bent over to his ear and whispered, "it's okay, honey, I'm here now. It'll be all right."

It was the exact words she used to tell him when he was young and he'd cried. Ed's sobs came heavier as he tried to speak. His mind only saw, heard, and felt his mother. "I, I, missed, you, so much." His voice was choked.

She gently removed him from her lap and stood up, helping him to his feet. Holding him a loving embrace, she rocked him back and forth. "Shh…" She ran a hand up and down his back, soothing him.

He was lost in her arms. It felt so real. Even when his sobs quieted, he remained there, enraptured by everything she signified to him. He could smell her hair. The scent was even familiar and calming.

Sloth looked passed Ed's golden locks at the man behind the bar and gave a barely noticeable nod. An evil grin spread across her face.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Deception

Roy saw the distant lights of Ishbal as he stood next to his car with his driver. He glared at the broken road in front of them. The impending evening was quiet, not even a bird sang a lonely song. "Damn-it," he muttered, under his breath. They'd been fighting enormous potholes and washed out sections of road for the last two hours and now the sun was setting.

The car slumped. A tire had fallen into a deep crevice and only spun out of control when they'd tried to move it. Roy was unsure how to proceed. He figured he could use alchemy, but what good were flames when his car was stuck like this? He had to think. Gazing back off in the distance, he wondered where Ed was and if he'd found Sloth yet. He winced, hoping it wasn't too late. Anger welling in his chest, he pounded a fist on the hood of his car. Then and idea came to him. "I'll just melt the son of a bitch."

"Sir?" the driver asked, not quite hearing the remark.

"Stand back." Roy snapped his fingers and flames resembling a blowtorch spewed out of his gloved fingers. It took him a minute, but with a bit of practice he was able to precisely direct the flow to the dirt underneath the stuck tire. Once the sand turned to rough glass, Roy turned his attention to the road ahead of them. He stood in front of the car and snapped his fingers again. A large fireball in the shape of a dragon appeared, spitting fireballs onto the road in gusts. Roy gestured wildly with his hands, directing the movement of the creature as it flew down the road in front of them. He smiled, reviewing his handy work. As the smoke cleared, a much smoother road appeared in front of them, albeit shiny as well.

-O-

The man behind the bar silently nodded to Sloth before leaving for the kitchen.

The homunculus still cradled the now silent young man. She wondered how long she had to keep up this charade. Having to hold the ingrate that created and abandoned her when she had no idea who or what she was repulsed her. Envy was right. Edward Elric deserved to die. Envy was the one to find her and help her accept who she was now. That stupid woman who gave birth to two boys was no more. She was tired of those old, painful memories. Killing the Elric brothers would help her forget. Their plan had been perfect, set up shop, let their whereabouts be known, and wait. They knew he would come. And if they played their cards right, they'd have him right where they wanted him, here in her arms.

Ed felt his mother's arms tighten around him. At first he thought she was trying to soothe her own emotions. But, her grip started to hurt and his lungs became unable to expand completely. Eyes flying open, he tried to push away and look her in the face, unable to comprehend her intentions. But her embrace only tightened.

"Edward, where are you going? Not leaving me again, I hope. No, I won't let you do that again. You and your pathetic brother, thinking you could just bring me to life and leave me to die." Her voice was sharp and menacing.

Ed gasped. What was she saying? Did she remember what he did? Of course she did. But he'd only been a kid. He was injured. He had to get to Winry's or he'd have bled to death. "Mother, I'm so sorry. I didn't know." Fresh tears rolled down his cheeks.

"Get this sniveling brat off me." Suddenly, she shoved him brutally into a young man who'd emerged from the kitchen.

Ed felt himself crash into a hard body with his back. Someone was pulling his braid, almost yanking his hair out. He looked in horror as he saw the long black hair belonging to Envy wrap itself around him as he fell back.

"Hello, Ed, do you want your mommy? Huh?" Envy asked, snarling.

Ed struggled to figure out what was happening to him. Glancing up at Sloth, he implored her, with only his eyes, to do something to help him. Envy pinned his flesh arm behind his back, holding him firm, before he had a chance to struggle.

"You cry baby. What's the matter? Not happy with the family reunion?" Envy said, bringing Ed's arm up painfully high, causing Ed to bend forward.

"M-Mother?" Ed was still unable to process the events. His thought patterns became random as devastation made a home in his head.

"Don't call me that. I am not your mother. If I was, I'd have drown you the day you were born," Sloth shouted.

"N-no, d-don't say that. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Ed began to sob. He was defeated, plain and simple. He could handle physical battles, but psychological warfare was just too much for his already fragile disposition to handle. Ready to accept his punishment, he grew slack in Envy's arms.

A loud explosion erupted behind the metal doors of the kitchen, causing the doors to swing wildly and heat to penetrate the room. When the dust settled, Ed peered up from under his long bangs to see Colonel Roy Mustang glaring at them with dark eyes.

The Colonels arm was raised and his gloved fingers pressed together, ready to ignite them at will.

Mustang had surveyed the situation before entering the building through the now smoldering back door. He'd assumed their plan was to lure Ed here with Sloth all along, which is why he'd ordered Ed to remain in his room. He should have known the stubborn alchemist wouldn't obey. Judging by the wretched look on his lovers face and the tear soaked cheeks, he was right. Roy momentarily lapsed as he gazed at Ed. He felt tears sting his eyes. "Edward," he whispered. He was unable to hide the feelings that flooded his heart.

Ed averted his eyes from the Colonel, choosing to believe in the homunculus he believed was his mother. A raw ached filled his heart when he saw Roy, but he had to believe Sloth would feel something for him and save him.

Envy watched the whole display with amusement. What was it he saw on Mustang's face? A little more than concern for a comrade, way more than that, and why was the Colonel alone? Envy decided to put his theory to the test. "Oh, Colonel…" Bringing Ed's head back up, he stuck out his tongue, flicking at Ed's ear.

Roy's face turned red with rage.

Envy grinned and put his mouth over Ed's earlobe, sucking seductively.

Ed checked out. Whatever was happening to his ear was not his concern anymore. He just stared blankly ahead, waiting for darkness to comfort him.

Roy lunged at Envy. "You mother fucker!"

Envy stopped what he was doing. "Uh ah, Colonel, come any closer and I'll kill your little boy toy here." A sinful look appeared in Envy's eyes as he positioned his free hand around Ed's waist and slipped under Ed's belt, into the front of his pants. Envy kept his eyes focused on the Colonel's while he fondled Ed, stroking harsh and quick. "Huh, I think he likes it. Does he get this hard with you, Colonel?"

"Get your God-damned hands off him, you fucking mutant!" Roy felt helpless.

Something flooded Ed's senses. He let out a soft moan while images of Roy in the restroom hallway on his birthday flickered in his mind. He lost himself in Roy's embrace and expert hands. He pushed his hips into the pleasant sensation. It helped him block out the agony over being rejected by his mother and his lover. Voices jumbled his head.

Care deeply…freak…banging Fullmetal…never love anyone else …fresh blood…fucking subordinates…you're really into that …I miss you…always be here for you…drown you.

Envy was surprised. Was Ed actually enjoying this? He heard Ed's moans and felt his hips moving. What the hell was going on? Envy wasn't sure how he felt about it. He was either repulsed or strangely excited. He shuddered as a wave of foreign pleasure pulsed through his system when his own erection pressed against Ed's back.

Envy, the sick fuck, Roy thought, watching in horror while Ed's eyes glazed over and tears escaped down his cheeks. Roy's gaze shifted to Sloth. She appeared to be in shock at Envy's blatant disregard for anything sacred. When Roy looked back at Envy, he realized his chance had come. The homunculus seemed caught up in his interlude with Ed.

Roy rushed forward and shoved Ed hard, making both males fall backwards onto the floor, separating the two. Roy quickly snapped his fingers setting Envy on fire. "Getting a little hot, Envy?" he shouted. He heard a scream behind him and saw Sloth racing passed in the corner of his eye.

Envy screeched. His flesh was on fire, literally. On all fours, on his back, he struggled to remove himself from Mustang's reach. He could faintly discern a body running towards him. He flinched as cool soothing water drenched him for a moment, putting an end to the flames. He was still badly wounded. It would take a few minutes to heal. Lying on the ground, he waited for his inhuman body to recover.

Sloth solidified her body in mid-run after putting out the flames enveloping Envy's body. She ran to the bar and grabbed the only thing she could think of, the knife they used for cutting lemons and limes.

Roy ran to Ed and crouched beside him. He looked him over. Ed was trembling and incoherent, but there seemed to be no physical wounds on him. He glanced up just in time to see Sloth running at them with a knife in her hand. Smiling, Roy raised his hand to set fire to the female homunculus. Suddenly, his arm was struck and he was propelled onto his back. He watched, stunned and horrified, as Ed stood up with his arms stretched out, realizing Ed had been the one to throw him.

"Edward!" Roy screamed. He could only watch the scene in slow motion as Sloth's silhouette lunged, thrusting the gleaming blade into Ed's body.

Ed fell forward to his knees, gripping his heart.

"No!" Roy's anger knew no boundaries as he rose up, snapping his fingers over and over, scorching everything in sight. Flames flew out all around him, licking at the bar, the tables, enveloping Envy and Sloth in its wake. Roy heard their shrill cries of pain. He smiled.

Roy rushed to Ed's side.

Ed now lay on his chest. Blood soaked his clothes and poured out of his lifeless body.

"Ed . . . " Roy's tears fell freely. How could he let this happen? Why didn't he see it coming? He had to get them out of the burning inferno. Roy lifted Ed's limp body, putting an arm under his shoulders and one under his knees, and strode through flames, out the building, into the alley. He gently set Ed down on the pavement and wept, clutching Ed's torso tight. When his tears slowed, he began to make an assessment of Ed's wounds, lowering him a little. There was still some shallow breathing from his lover, but there was so much blood. He felt movement.

"M-mother? Wh-where is she? D-did you kill her?" Ed words got louder and more panicked as he spoke.

Roy peered down at him, not knowing what to say.

Suddenly, Ed started to thrash, punching and shoving blindly at Roy. "You killed her didn't you? You bastard! You wanted to keep her from me! You used me!"

Pinning Ed's arms to the pavement by the wrist, Roy straddled him to stop the assault. He was briefly pleased Ed had the strength to attack him. It meant maybe his wound appeared worse than it actually was.

Ed struggled through the pain in his chest. It was nothing compared to having automail installed. He remembered hearing someone crying over him. He remembered his heart ached so much it ripped him from his near coma. But here was the bastard that took his mother from him and used him for sex. "Why did you do it? Why did you take her from me? Why can't you love me, like you loved Maes? I'm all alone . . . all alone." Ed's tears came to the surface once again.

"Goddamn-it, Ed, stop it. You'll hurt yourself even worse." Roy kept him still. "She's a homunculus, Ed. She is not your mother, understand? She, is, _not_, your, mother." His tears fell onto Ed's face and mingled with his lover's before they rolled down to the street. He felt Ed's body relax under his grip. Ed's eyes began to close. "You are not alone! I told you I'd always be there for you! Nothing can change that! I do love you, goddamn-it!" Releasing his hold on Ed's wrists, he grabbed the front of his black jacket and shook him briefly with no response. "Ed, hold on. I'll get you help. I promise. I love you, I love you, I love you." He hoped against hope that somehow Ed could hear him.

He saw movement in the corner of his eye. When he looked up, there were two figures, a blonde woman with her gun drawn and a large suit of armor. Suddenly, a piercing pain dashed through the back of his skull and everything went black.

Roy's body fell, limp, over his lover's.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Disclosure

The smoke from Riza's gun rose like a ghost after she'd fired off all her rounds into the scorched homunculus. She watched as Envy writhed in pain from his injuries and fell to the pavement behind the entwined bodies of Roy and Ed.

Al stood motionless for a moment, still in shock from the dialog Roy released before being struck on the back of the head by Envy. When his senses returned, he ran to his brother's side. He inspected the entanglement of limbs, finding a loose hand of his brothers to hold. He clutched it tight. "Brother, what did you get into?" Emotion was heavy in his voice.

Riza waved her hand as she kept an eye on Envy.

Envy tried to stand again.

A slew of soldiers appeared from around the corner of the burning building.

The flames were now spreading an eerie glow on the scene before Riza. She heard the shouts of townspeople and military personnel alike as they fought to douse the flames. She turned momentarily to the medic crew to direct them toward Roy and Ed. When she looked back to where Envy had stood, it was empty. "Damn-it, where did he go?" She realized he could have easily shape-shifted into just about anyone. He could even be standing right beside her. The thought sent a shiver through her spine.

xxx

Roy opened his eyes in the back of the medic truck and gazed at Riza, who sat beside him. He realized they were moving. He could feel every bump in the road. Sitting up suddenly, his vision blurred as everything started to spin. "Ed? Where is Ed?" He was distressed and it reflected in his voice.

Riza placed gentle hands on his arms and helped him lie back down. "He's right here. It's all right. They got to him in time. He lost a lot of blood, but the wound is superficial really." Her voice was calm and soothing.

Roy relaxed into his cot and raised an arm to his forehead.

Riza had never seen him like this, not since Maes was alive. Could it really be he was in love with Edward Elric? It is what she'd heard him saying over and over. She decided it was none of her business.

"I thought I told you I had to do this alone," Roy said, smiling faintly.

"You also put me in charge, sir," she said, returning the smile.

Al sat with Edward on the other side of the truck, hoping and waiting to see his brother's large amber eyes open.

Ed's small body was wrapped in gauze from his armpits to his waste.

Al spoke softly to his sibling, not sure if he wanted anyone to hear what he said. "Brother, why did Roy say those things? What are you hiding from me? What is so terrible that you can't even tell me?" His words fell on deaf ears while Ed continued to remain unconscious.

xxx

Ed woke to the aroma of food, stomach growling. He was so hungry he was almost nauseous. Turning onto his side, pain stung his flesh shoulder under a large bandage. He looked around the room from a comfortable bed. His eyes rested on a nightstand with a clock perched on top, glaring at him. It was midday and he was in Mustang's bedroom. But how did he get here, he wondered? Flashes of memory spun a movie reel behind his eyes - Fuery and Havoc in the library, the train ride to Ishbal, his mother in the restaurant, Envy groping him, Sloth stabbing him, Roy . . . Roy saving his life.

Suddenly, he felt another type of pain, the kind that comes from a broken heart. He heard footsteps in the hallway.

Roy appeared in the doorway, wearing a pair of tan slacks and a white shirt, hung loose and unbuttoned. His black hair was a little disheveled, offsetting his dark eyes.

Ed gasped. So striking, he thought. The aching in his chest magnified. Roy didn't love him. He shifted his gaze back to the clock.

"You woke up," Roy said, walking forward and sitting beside Ed. Roy placed a hand on Ed's side, wanting to reconnect with him somehow and help him get through the painful memories he must be having.

Ed repositioned himself further back on the bed, causing Roy's hand to drop into empty sheets.

Roy winced as he realized Ed was rejecting his touch.

Ed struggled to keep tears, pooling in his eyes, from falling. How could Mustang possibly think he still had the right to touch him? Just because he'd saved his life, didn't mean everything was mended between them. Ed rolled over in the bed, putting his back toward Mustang. "Why did you do it?" His voice held bitterness.

"Do what specifically?"

"Why did you save me? Why didn't you just let me die?" He fought a sudden compulsion to turn back around and throw himself into Mustang's arms. Instead, he pushed his face into the pillow, stifling a sob.

Gasping, Roy pulled his legs up onto the bed and lay down beside Ed. "Come on, Ed, you know I couldn't do that. How could you even say something like that?" The horrible feeling of almost losing him came back with a vengeance. Pressing his body up against Ed's back, he wrapped his arms around him. He pulled Ed close, feeling his body trembling, even as it became rigid. Obviously Roy's embrace was not welcomed, but he had to try. He had to let his lover know he was there for him and would never let anything happen to him. There were so many things he wanted to say to him, confess to him. But with the way Ed was behaving, he figured it would have to wait.

Ed's pulse beat wildly and his breathing became labored, feeling Mustang's body so close against him. What was Mustang doing? Didn't he understand the agony he caused?

Ed leaned into Roy's body against his will, as if his body betrayed him. "But I wanted to, I wanted to die." His voice was cold and flat. He felt Roy's arms embrace him tighter and the elder man's breath on his neck. It hurt so bad, to feel the touch of the man he thought he could never have completely. After being betrayed by a creature pretending to be his mother, he feared Mustang could just as easily betray him. He tried to pull away again, but was brought back by Roy's persistent hold.

"Hush, don't say that. It's all over now. You're alive and I'm here for you," Roy whispered. It felt so good to hold him again, to feel Ed's body against his own. He didn't quite understand the full reason why Ed was rejecting him, but he figured it must have something to do with Sloth. Maybe Ed was still dealing with losing his mother a second time. Still, he couldn't help but place soft kisses on his neck. He'd missed him so much. Ed was here, in his bed, and Roy had been able to keep him alive. "Edward, don't push me away." He had to have more. He had to experience all of him as if to prove to himself that Ed was really here with him, not in some grave.

Ed knew he was in trouble when he felt the kisses, like soft petals, grace his skin. He moaned involuntarily. Hardening, his senses were overrun with the feel of the man he loved surrounding him, his scent intoxicating as he breathed it in. "No, Roy, it's wrong, it's—"

Roy caressed Ed's chest, trailing soft circles, going lower and lower, until finally, his hand plunged under his boxers. He stroked softly, gently, on Ed's erection, slowly rocking his hips against Ed's back.

Ed gasped and bit his lip. The sensation of Roy's hand rubbing him after all he'd been through, all he knew, still sent shivers pulsing through his spine. He didn't want to like it, didn't want to crave it, but he couldn't stop taking pleasure in the touch of the man he loved. His surrender was gradual and bittersweet. Ed soon allowed himself to be turned back around. He hungrily kissed Roy's lips, opening his mouth, allowing Roy to probe and penetrate him. Ed rocked his hips in time with Roy's hand, moaning. Roy was tender with him, which made it all the more tragic.

Roy felt his lover submit to him, spurring him on. He turned Ed completely onto his back and slid over him, being careful to avoid his injury.

Ed flinched.

"Are you Okay?" Roy asked, afraid he'd hurt him.

"I-I'm fine," Ed moved his face forward to meet Roy's lips again. There'd been a momentary twinge in his shoulder, but it was gone now and he didn't want Roy to stop. He wanted to believe the tender kisses and caresses were coming from someone who loved him. If he just closed his eyes and let Roy take him this way, then he could lose himself in his imagination and his heartache would dissipate. The more he gave into Roy, the more insistent his actions became, the more passionate his kisses. Ed had a secure hold on Roy as his head came down to his chest and ran a light tongue over his nipples. He felt the delicious pressure of Roy's hips pressing into his own, unyielding and insistent.

Roy was surprised by how submissive Ed was being. It was like the night of his birthday, like they had turned back the clock. He decided to take his time with him, savor every kiss, every caress of his lover's soft skin. Moving slowly over his body, he gradually dropped his head down between Ed' legs, licking, sucking, and kissing as he went. He carefully and slowly removed Ed's boxers. He heard a loud moan escape Ed while he fondled him, stroking the inside of his thighs with his tongue and fingers. He licked Ed's length, flicking the sensitive tip, teasing him.

Ed's head tilted back and his hips thrust upward with the pleasure Roy's tongue gave him. He couldn't bring himself to protest anymore. The sensations sweeping his body were too sweet. He told himself he'd let Roy have him one more time. He'd let himself be swept away. There was always tomorrow to figure out what he should do. He felt Roy's wet mouth enveloping him, fully encompassing his need.

Roy loved the feel of Ed in his mouth, loved the way he reacted to his touch. He wanted more of him this time. He required a complete connection to him. Roy hoped it could alleviate the fears he'd had of losing him to death.

Ed cried out in pleasure and sorrow at the same time. He wanted the actions to be out of love, not just lust. As he succumbed to the moment, he realized he would have to accept what was offered. While Roy's lips pumped over him, he felt himself yielding, close to climax.

Roy felt Ed's body grow taut in anticipation of his release, Roy stopped and lifted himself off his lover. Sitting on his legs, he removed his shirt. He saw a look of raw desire in Ed's eyes, but there was something else, too. Why did Ed look so sad?

Ed turned his gaze away from Roy, afraid to look into his eyes, afraid to break the fantasy he held onto, of Roy loving him.

Roy removed his pants and boxers and lay back down over Ed. He placed a soft kiss on his cheek and brushed his hair back from his face. "Ed, I stopped because I, I want to, to feel the inside of you. Will you let me do that?"

Ed didn't care what Roy did to him now. He was totally at his disposal. He just wanted to feel his lover any and every way he could. He nodded and finally gazed into Roy's eyes, wondering what Maes had seen when he looked into them. Had there been something deeper, more intimate than what he could see? Ed watched Roy with anticipation as he reached into the nightstand and pulled out the lotion.

Roy held the bottle out to Ed and motioned for him to take it. He wanted to bring him back from wherever his mind had drifted off to. He wanted to feel his lover touch him.

Ed gazed at Roy in confusion.

"Ed, I want you to put it on me. I want to feel you stroking me." Roy gave him a gentle kiss.

Ed held out his hand.

Roy applied the lotion to Ed's palm and guided it to his erection. Closing his eyes, Roy moaned as the delicious sensation of Ed's hand stroking him filled his senses. He positioned himself over Ed again and spread his legs with his own, dropping down between his thighs. Roy knew he had to be gentle. He didn't want Ed's first time to be too painful, not after all he'd been through.

Ed gasped when he felt Roy so close to his entrance. He had no idea what to expect. Remembering how it felt for him to be inside his lover, he wanted more than anything to see the look on Roy's face as he entered him. He hoped it would let him see into his lover's soul somehow, let him see a glimpse of what was withheld. He pressed on Roy's hips, gazing into his eyes.

Roy slowly drove into Ed. The sensation of moist hot pressure quickly consumed him.

Ed burned. The physical pain dulled the emotional pain, helped cleanse his mind of all that had happened. As he gazed at Roy, his heart ached for everything he thought he'd never have.

Roy tried to gauge Ed's reaction. "Are you okay?" Roy's breath quickened.

Ed nodded. The burning had dissipated.

Roy put his hands under Ed's behind and lifted him a little while he drove slowly in and out. He wanted his lover to experience everything the act had to offer him.

Suddenly, Ed's expression changed and he cried out into the room.

Roy smiled for a moment. He knew he'd found the right position. His hips drove down again, plunging into his lover's internal pleasure spot.

Ed's hips thrust in rhythm with Roy's while his hands pulled him down each time, feeding his growing need. His erection rubbed against Roy's taut stomach, sending waves of pleasure through his body.

Roy pushed his stomach harder into Ed, increasing the friction to his lover's length.

Ed had no idea he had the capacity to feel like this. There was a persistent humming through his whole body as two sites of pleasure converged into one. He twisted and thrust his hips into Roy, seizing all he could from the elder mans body. He let it fill the void produced by the fake mother and the lover he thought he could never have. When his desire crested, he felt Roy's stomach grow slick as each wave of his eruption pulsated through him.

A rush of passion raced through Roy as he watched and heard Ed's release. How he loved the sight, feel, and sound of him when he climaxed. It revealed to him a part of his lover no one else knew. Roy soon felt his own peak consume him as he pumped his seed into Ed's body, letting out short gasps as each wave of sensation ravaged him. When it slowed, he withdrew and held tight to Ed. It was then he remembered the lunch he'd made. He internally kicked himself as he realized how famished Ed must be and here he was practically forcing himself on him. Roy lifted his head and gazed into the Ed's face. "I'm sorry, I did make lunch, would you like some?"

At the suggestion of food, Ed's hunger returned with brutal force. "It's okay. Yes, I'd love whatever you made. I'm starving." He found his sorrow starting to fade as endorphins from their lovemaking poured through his veins. For the moment, he was almost happy.

After climbing off the bed, Roy pulled his boxers and pants back on. "Ed, stay here. I'll bring it to you." Roy strode out of the room.

Roy returned with soup and sandwiches on a tray. He helped Ed sit up in the bed and gave him his meal.

Ed ate quickly, devouring the food within minutes.

Roy chuckled as he chewed on his sandwich. "Damn Ed, you were hungry." He knew it was time for them to talk. It was apparent something was still bothering Ed and he had every intention of doing what he could to help him through this. He gulped his food down and took a few spoonfuls of soup. "Ed, look, I know what Sloth did to you must have reopened some very painful old wounds and something is obviously still troubling you. I can see it in your eyes."

Ed looked away, not wanting Roy to see what was really hidden there. How could he tell Roy the experience with Sloth and Envy paled in comparison to his struggle to compete with a dead man for his love? How could he admit openly what he overheard Havoc and Fuery saying about his indiscretion with his subordinates and how deeply it had cut him? How could he divulge these things without also declaring how all encompassing his love was for Roy? He didn't want to hear the speech about how Roy cared deeply for him again. He felt Roy's hand on his arm, tugging him.

"Ed, talk to me, please. Whatever it is, I'll understand. I promise."

Ed glared back at Roy, allowing anger to guide him. "I bet you will. You've never felt like this, never been used like this." The words spilled out of him. Sitting back, he watched Roy's reaction.

"That doesn't mean I can't help you work through what they did to—'

"I'm not talking about the damned homunculus. I'm talking about _you_ using _me_!" Ed sat forward.

"What? How could you say that?" Roy was stunned. His thoughts raced, replaying all their conversations, all their time together, in fast-forward.

"Because . . . because apparently you have a long history of using people for sex and then dumping them."

"Calm down. I am not using you for sex." He felt guilty. He did start out their relationship on this premise, but Ed had to have known that it wasn't like that now.

Ed's brows lowered with anger, his eyes burned. "I know all about you, all about how you've slept with practically all your subordinates, how you discard people. And how many others have you taken 'the long way' home with? It sure was interesting how your driver knew without question what you were talking about. The only one you'll ever love is your precious Maes. What is so special about a dead man? Why can't you love anymore? Why can't you love me? Why do you hang on to his love when there is someone else right in front of you who loves you just as much as he did?" Ed shouted, seething.

Roy was dumbfounded. He let silence envelope the room as Ed's disclosure sunk in. Then, he spoke in a low voice. "Ed, I won't deny how terribly I've behaved the last few years. I won't even deny that I did just want sex from you in the beginning. But you have to know that something about you captivated me, changed me. I'm not perfect. I did and still do love Maes." He crept up closer to Ed, reaching his hand out to lie on his thigh.

Ed's tears had silently started rolling down his cheeks.

Sighing, Roy pulled his hand away from Ed, only enough to see his face. "But you made me realize that there is a place for you in my heart too. Because of you I found a way to let go of the past. I found a way to fall in love again. I love you Edward. I love you with all I have."

Ed turned his head away, tears blurring his vision. He couldn't look at Roy. Roy had told him exactly what he'd wanted to hear, but he couldn't accept it. Maybe after what had happened in Ishbal he was untrusting of anyone's intentions for him. He half believed Roy had lied to him and half just needing to hear it again. "No, you don't, you don't love me."

Roy quickly removed the lunch plates from the bed and sat directly next to Edward, putting his arm around his shoulders. "I do love you Edward, I do. I don't honestly know how I'd have gone on if you'd been killed by Sloth and Envy."

Ed tried to push himself away from Roy's embrace.

Roy tightened his grip and placed his other arm around Ed, kissing his forehead, not letting him go. "Let me in, Ed. Let me show you how I feel."

The demon voice in Ed's head suddenly materialized. It had started screaming the closer Roy got to him.

Don't believe it, stupid boy. He doesn't love you. He can't love you. You are nothing to him.

But Roy's embrace didn't waver no matter how many times he pushed him away, he screamed back. Roy had been there when he needed him, hadn't he? When he wanted to die, Roy wouldn't let him. Roy had risked his own life to save him. "No," He said, only mouthing the word to his demon. He wouldn't let it keep him from the love he longed for.

Roy saw the internal struggle on Ed's face. "Ed, what is going on with you? Talk to me, please." He watched while Ed's inner turmoil reached a crescendo and Ed began to weep in his arms. Roy held him tighter, anxious about Ed's reaction. "Ed, just let it out. You've been through so much. I'm so sorry you had to find out about Sloth, and about me, all of it."

"D-Do you, really, love me?" Ed's words were choked and muffled in Roy's wet shoulder. "B-because I-I can't just . . . just have sex with . . . with you. It hurts. . . too much, I need . . . need to know, that, when you do it . . . you love me, otherwise, you have to-to let me go."

If Roy held onto Ed any tighter he'd have crushed him. "Damn, Ed, I am not letting you go. You have to believe me. I love you. I'll tell you that a hundred times if that's what it takes for you to believe me. I'm yours, _all_, yours." Roy was surprised to be feeling his own tears coming to the surface. He had to make Ed trust him, had to get him to see how he felt.

Ed grew quiet. He was trying to decipher all he was told, trying to make the words take root inside of him. "Roy, I'm so messed up . . . so messed up. You have to help me. I'm so scared." He hoped he could induce Roy to furnish some ammunition to help him deflect the demon voice, trying to break through again with its punishing doubts and mistrust.

"Ed, tell me what you're afraid of. What is going on inside your head?" Roy knew something was very wrong for Ed to behave the way he was and say the things he'd said. Roy thought back to the strange disclosure he'd heard the night Ed showed up outside his window and realized he was dealing with something much more than simple insecurity.

"I-I'm afraid of, of loving you. Of Al finding out, of Al hating me for it." His voice gradually calmed as he put into words the exact foundation for his fears and shame. "I'm afraid that loving you and wanting you is wrong, that it makes me a bad person, that it makes me disgusting," he said, softly. ""How can you be so accepting of it? Of doing something so, so taboo?" He pushed his face deeper into Roy's shoulder and held him firm with his automail arm. "Am I okay? Am I still the same me, even though I love you and I-I want you so badly?" He rubbed his cheek against Roy's shirt as he bore his soul to the man he loved.

Roy would give anything to cleanse Ed of all his imagined sins. He knew Al had seen plenty that night in Ishbal and had to know about their relationship. Al hadn't argued in the least when Roy insisted Ed stay with him while he healed. He decided now was not the time to tell him his brother already knew, however. Not when he was trying so hard to come to terms with so much already. "Ed, please don't be afraid of what we have. It's never wrong to love someone. It won't make you a bad person or disgusting. It doesn't change who you are. In fact I think you are finally admitting to yourself who you really are. You told me you had feelings for boys before, so you must have known deep down." He brushed gentle fingers across Ed's forehead and felt Ed's body relax in his arms. "Why don't you try and get some more rest? You've been through a lot today."

"But stay here, with me, don't leave." Ed's hold on Roy tightened.

"I'm not going anywhere."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Chapter 10

The Shower

Ed woke up in his lover's arms. As he opened his eyes and focused, he saw dark eyes gazing back at him. He shifted his position slightly, wincing at the sharp pain in his shoulder. The few more hours rest had been enough for him to process the supportive words Roy had offered him. Roy had kept his word and was still by his side. Ed squeezed him hard as he finally recognized he was loved.

"How are you doing?" Roy gently kissed Ed's forehead, feeling Ed melt deeper into his side. He'd lay there all day and night with Ed if that's what was required of him. But, he was surprised to see Ed's head rise and amber eyes peer into his own, lips so close.

Ed's eyes roamed over Roy's striking features, gazing deeply into his midnight eyes, into his soul. He could see it finally, the love Roy felt for him. He wondered; is that what Maes saw? Did he finally have what he craved? Could Roy's love save him from himself? He urgently pressed his lips against Roy's, just wanting to savor him for a moment.

Roy pulled away, smiling. "Doing that good, huh?" It seemed like Ed had been able to rise up from whatever depths he'd fallen to.

Ed smiled. "I'm actually doing so well, I think I'd like to take a shower." Ed pried his eyes away from Roy as he rose from the bed.

"Well, that's good because you were starting to get a little ripe." Roy chuckled. Roy saw Ed glare at him, telling him the old hotheaded Fullmetal was on a rebound.

Ed stood and stretched.

Roy sat back and watched his young lover, noting the taut muscles of his back and the small waist they fed into. Of course, he couldn't take his eyes off the firm, round behind beckoning him. "Do that again and the shower will have to wait."

Ed turned around. "You wish." He made his way into Roy's bathroom.

Ed carefully removed the bandage just under his left shoulder and examined the wound. It was small, but he knew it went deep. There were only a few stitches holding it together. He was suddenly glad the knife hadn't been larger or had hit him a few more inches toward his center. He looked at his face in the mirror. It seemed to glow with an inner light, Roy's light, he thought. He stepped into the shower and bathtub combination and turned the water on.

The liquid felt delicious cascading down his skin. Stepping away, he soaped his body and hair and returned to the comfort of the warm water. When he pushed his head under the spout, he sensed someone grab him from behind. He jumped. The memory of Envy holding him like this was still fresh in his mind. But when he turned around, he saw Roy's dark head hovering over his shoulder and felt Roy's arms caressing his chest in a gentle manner, not cruel the way Envy had been. He wondered how long it would take to come to terms with the vicious images of that night. He leaned in close to Roy, needing to feel secure in his arms. It was scary how much he'd started depending on him.

"You sure you're okay? I wouldn't want you to get lonely in here," Roy whispered, close to his ear, lips lightly touching the soft folds. He heard Ed moan, just what he'd wanted. Positioning his hands further down Ed's torso, he ran slow, methodic circles into Ed's abdominal muscles. "Feel good?" His voice was soft and seductive. He was rewarded with another moan from his lover and felt Ed pressing his backside into his own erection. The couple swayed back and forth in a dance that quickly turned passionate.

Feeling Roy's lips licking and sucking the tender skin on his neck, Ed tilted his head back into the sensation. He remembered his previous shower fantasy that ended in disaster, but this time Roy was actually here and his brother, well, who cared at the moment where is brother was. They were alone and Ed's body was on fire. He put a hand over Roy's and guided him down between his legs. He felt Roy's hand lightly stroke over his length. "No, harder, Roy, much harder." He was in no mood to be teased. He felt Roy take hold of him and squeeze with just the right amount of pressure to send him thrusting into the hand.

"Is that what you want?" Envy asked, as long black hair fell down around Ed's waist.

Ed gasped. It couldn't be, not now. He tried to turn around and see the face of the creature holding him, but Envy's grasp tightened, forcing him to remain with his back to him. "Where's, where's Roy?" He thought quickly. How would Envy have gotten passed Roy? Or was he just waiting in here for the right moment? He could still feel the creature's erection pressing and rubbing against his behind. The thought of it touching him made him ill. "Where's Roy?"

Envy chuckled with delight. "He's right where you left him, although he's probably no longer conscious." Envy's voice was filled with sarcasm. "He's all right, but it's you I wanted. You felt good in my hands the other night, really good. Much better than your mother ever did." Envy knew he'd be able to have his way with Ed eventually. The alchemist had been so docile the other night. His arms tightened around Ed's shoulders, squeezing the wound enough to make blood seep out of it. A crimson line ran down to the foreign arms binding the alchemist.

Ed cringed from the pain in his shoulder and Envy's mouth, now biting and sucking harshly on the back of his neck. As the sensation on his neck deepened, Ed leaned into Envy's touch and moaned. "Envy, that feels good." Ed rubbed his back against Envy's chest. Ed's tactic worked. Envy's grasp loosened when he reached down again between Ed's legs. So, this fucker hurt Roy, _his_ Roy, Ed thought. Envy was going to pay dearly for that.

Suddenly, Ed bent forward, letting his rage consume him. He clapped, and slapped his hands on the tile of the bathtub wall. A razor sharp ceramic blade impaled Envy in the chest, forcing him to fully release Ed. Ed spun around the room, clapping and forming transmutations all around the open portion of the tub, causing prison bars to form. When he was finished, he pulled a towel down off the nearby rack and covered himself. He inspected his handiwork and the caged homunculus.

Envy glared coldly back at him in disbelief.

"The first time I stabbed you, it was for me," Ed said, staring Envy down and pacing the bars. Stopping at the tile surrounding the bathtub, he put his hands as high as they would go. "This time." He clapped, sending another ceramic blade into Envy's chest.

Envy screeched.

"And this time." Ed clapped lower, sending a blade into Envy's stomach.

Envy screeched again.

"And this time." Ed clapped even lower, sending the blade into Envy's lower abdomen. "Is for whatever fucked up thing you did to Roy!"

Envy screeched a third time and lost consciousness.

Seeing Envy's body go lax and imprisoned allowed Ed to focus on Roy. He ran out of the bathroom and back into Roy's bedroom.

Roy was lying on the bed, on his back.

Ed ran to Roy and threw his body on top of him. He positioned his head over Roy's chest and held his breath, waiting to hear the familiar thumping of his heart. Then he heard it. The sweet rhythm brought tears to his eyes. "Roy." Tears rolled down his cheeks. "Roy, wake up. Wake up, damn-it." He shook Roy's shoulders.

Roy's head turned to the side.

Ed looked down on a gash. Blood soaked the sheets underneath. The sight of the blood ripped panic through his soul. He quickly grabbed a clean part of the sheet, ripped it, and tied it snugly around Roy's head. He kept telling himself it wasn't so bad. Head wounds always bleed a lot, right? But that thought didn't keep his screams at bay. They suddenly erupted from him. "Don't leave me! Don't leave me, Roy!" He fell against Roy's chest, weeping and clutching his wounded lover.

It took a few minutes for Ed to collect himself and figure out how to handle the situation. The first person to come to Ed's mind for help was Riza Hawkeye. Ed reluctantly left Roy's bed and headed for the kitchen to find Roy's phone. He phoned her number and waited, trying in desperation to calm himself. After a few rings he heard the familiar voice.

"Central, this is Hawkeye."

"H-hello, R-Riza?" Ed gulped hard.

"Edward? Is that you? You don't sound so good."

"It's, it's Roy, he . . . " Ed started crying. There was no way he was going to be able to say what happened without breaking down again. Because saying it meant that it really happened.

"Roy what? What's happened to Roy?" She only heard soft sobs on the other end of the line. "Ed, calm down, where are you? Are you still at Roy's house?"

Ed grit his teeth. "Y-yes, and Envy, he . . . " His voice choked as another sob forced itself through.

Envy's name was all she had to hear. Fear gripped her heart. "I'm coming."

Ed heard the phone go dead with her last statement. He walked with shaky legs back to Roy's room, dropped the towel off him, and slowly put on the white shirt Roy had been wearing earlier. It was so large on him, the sleeves fell a few inches passed his hands and the tails fell almost to his knees. He made his way back to Roy's side, not noticing how big the shirt was, and laid back down on top of him, curling himself up into his lover as close as he could. "Roy, it's going to be all right. Hawkeye is coming. She'll take care of it. You'll be okay, you'll see. You have to be okay, Roy. You just have to, because, because I can't live, without you. I can't, I love you, too much . . . too much." His tears beaded onto Roy's chest.

-O-

"Damn-it!" Riza hung up the phone. She should have taken care of that homunculus when she had the chance. There was nothing she could do about it now. She had to get to Roy's house and see what damage was caused. On her way out the door, she shouted several commands to various other officers and until she had what she needed.

-O-

Riza came into Roy's house alone, gun drawn, for two reasons. One was to make sure Envy couldn't hide himself among a group of people and secondly, she wasn't sure how much discretion would be required. Riza was struck speechless by the scene in Roy's bedroom.

Ed was wrapped around the Colonel in one of his shirts. His hair was loose and wet, and he was crying softly.

Riza went to Ed and laid a hand on his side. "Tell me what happened here." Her gaze took in the bandage on Roy's head.

Ed kept his ear on Roy's chest. He had to make sure his lover's heart remained beating. "Envy's here. He-he tried to, he hit Roy on the head with-with something." When he remembered his rage, his eyes seemed to glaze over. "He's in the bathroom. I caged him and I stabbed him." Ed rose off Roy's chest, quickly grabbing one of Riza's guns from its holster, and ran into to the bathroom.

Riza only saw a flurry of white and blonde hair run into Roy's bathroom. She heard shots, one after another, realizing what Ed had taken from her. She sped in after him.

Ed emptied all the rounds into Envy's skull, enjoying the sound of each one hitting its mark. Even after the gun was emptied, he continued to pull the trigger. Clicking noises bounced off the walls in the bathroom. "You'll never touch me or Roy again." Suddenly, he felt a warm hand cover his own and the gun handle.

"Edward, it's done. We'll take it from here, okay? Just, get dressed and go with the Colonel and medics to the hospital. I'll go get them now," Riza said.

As Riza left, with her gun safely back in it's holster, Ed turned to her. "Hawkeye?"

"What, Edward?" She noted the slight trembling of his lower lip.

"You know, don't you."

"Know?"

"You know about me and Roy. That we—"

"Ed, I've known about the Colonel's, uh, orientation for a long time. I couldn't have worked so closely with him and not known. He's a good man." She walked out of the room.

xxx

Ed helped Roy out of his car and up the walkway to his door, holding his arm as they went. Ed brought out the keys and unlocked the door before guiding his lover across the threshold.

Roy walked to his bedroom with Ed following behind like a lost puppy. "I'm going to take a shower."

"But, Roy, your stitches." Ed was so close to Roy he almost bumped into him.

Roy turned around and pushed Ed back a foot or so.

Ed sighed.

"Quit mothering me. It'll be fine. Besides, it's about time _we_ actually showered together, don't you think?" As Roy leaned over to kiss Ed's forehead, a wicked grin spread across his lips

xxx

Roy entered the shower after Ed and slipped his arms around his him. He swayed with Ed's head resting on his chest.

Ed's arms were wrapped tight around Roy's waist.

Roy rested his cheek on top of his lover's head. "I love you, Ed."

"I love you too, so much," Edward said, softly. He tilted his head back and found Roy's lips. Kissing them hungrily, he received all they had to offer. He felt Roy's hardness on his stomach and the swelling in himself. He pressed urgently against Roy, needing to feel delicious pressure. "Roy, take me."

Roy stole a minute to soap his hand.

Ed felt Roy's hand fall between his legs and stroke him, hard and insistent, increasing in speed. Letting out a loud moan, Ed pressed his hips into the sensation.

Roy pressed his lips close to Ed's ear. "What do you want, Ed? Should I enter you again?" He was breathless.

Ed remembered the remarkable feeling of having Roy inside him and nodded his head.

Roy let go and turned Ed around.

Ed felt Roy's erection rubbing against his behind while Roy caressed him around his middle. Roy's mouth playfully kissed and sucked at the tender skin between Ed's neck and shoulder. Ed felt a hand drop and begin to stroke his length again. For a moment, Ed's mind flashed back to Envy, causing him to gasp and turn his head, making sure it was still was Roy who was behind him. Ed hadn't told all of what happened to Roy, he didn't want to upset him unnecessarily. After all, he'd gotten his revenge and he wanted to put it behind him.

"Ed, what's the matter? You're pale all of a sudden." Roy stopped what he was doing and turned Ed around to face him. He looked into Ed's eyes. Clearly there was something very wrong. He watched Ed veer away and look at the tile wall. "Look at me. Ed, what's wrong?"

When he thought about how close he'd actually come to being raped by the homunculus, Ed started to shake. He hadn't thought about it before. All of his attention had been focused on Roy and his recovery. But now, being here in the shower with Roy and assuming practically the same position made the memories very real. He didn't want to lose the precious moment that had started between them, but his emotions were not cooperating. "Damn-it, Roy, just leave it alone, okay?"

Roy reached over and turned off the tap. Only small drips made their way to the bottom of the bathtub. "You are going to tell me what is bothering you. I won't let you shut me out again." Roy opened the shower curtain and got out. He wrapped a towel around himself and handed one to Ed, noticing how much Ed's hands shook when he took the towel. Then it hit him. If Envy had been captured in his shower and the last thing he remembered was Ed going into his bathroom to take a shower, then at what point had Envy found Ed? Roy's anger grew as images of Envy groping Ed in the Ishbal restaurant burst forward.

Roy's anger was further fueled by the realization that Ed may have been molested by the bastard and then didn't tell him. After Ed secured the towel around his waste, Roy seized his arm and tugged him out into the bedroom.

"Stop!" Ed wriggled in Roy's grasp, but was unable to break free.

When Roy strode into the middle of the bedroom, he halted his gait.

Ed smacked into Roy.

Glaring, Roy wheeled around.

Ed startled, trying desperately to control the trembling in his limbs, but it was no use. Peeking up at Roy, he couldn't understand why Roy looked so mad all of a sudden.

"Damn-it, Ed. Tell me what that bastard did to you." Roy clutched both of Ed's arms.

Ed flinched.

He kicked himself internally and told himself to calm down. He didn't mean to scare him. He was just so furious at the thought of anyone else touching his lover. But, this wouldn't make it any easier on Ed. Roy sighed. "I'm sorry, please tell me. Did Envy do something to you in the shower? Is that what's bothering you?" He pulled Ed close for a warm embrace.

As Ed tried to put into words the horrible moment he saw Envy's long locks fall around him and the homunculus' sickening touch, he felt tears close. "I-I thought he was you, Roy. H-he didn't do much, really." Tears escaped down his cheeks.

"Did he touch you?" Roy asked, not sure he wanted to hear the answer.

"Y-yes, b-but not very much." He felt Roy's hold on him strengthen and he heard a sob break away from his lover. The reaction astonished him.

Roy pushed his face into the side of Edward's head and tried to control himself. He thought he should be strong for Ed, not fall apart. But he felt responsible for allowing Envy to have access to him. He should have been better prepared. Hawkeye told him they never found Envy.

Reaching up to either side of Roy's face, Ed's thumbs gently wiped the tears from his cheeks and placed a tender kiss on his lips. He pushed Roy backwards.

As the bed hit the Roy's legs, he fell back, with Ed on top of him, into a soft landing.

Ed found Roy's lips and kissed him heatedly. His mouth devoured Roy in urgent sucks and his flesh hand reached down into Roy's groin, finding his erection and pumped on it with insistence. He heard Roy moaning with pleasure as he brought his mouth down to Roy's nipples. He played with them momentarily before bringing himself further down onto Roy's body. He licked a wet trail between Roy's belly button and groin and then put his mouth over Roy's length. He only wanted one thing, to finish what they'd started in the shower. At the moment, he didn't care about Envy. All he wanted was Roy, the one who loved him.

Roy was stunned at the speed and voraciousness in which Ed was assaulting his body. But, he wasn't about to complain. He surrendered to Ed's touch and let the sensations overpower any feelings of guilt and anger. Roy clutched at the sheets on his bed as he felt his climax getting close already. Ed was good, really good.

Ed felt Roy's body starting to grow taut in anticipation of release. The knowledge of it enticed Ed's already pulsating erection. He pulled away, wanting to have from his lover what was offered in the shower. Ed sat up, wiped his mouth with the back of his flesh hand, and leaned over Roy, opening the nightstand drawer and hauling out the lotion. He squirted some of the sweet smelling substance onto his flesh hand and dove it right back onto Roy, covering his length.

Roy bucked and moaned with pleasure.

Lying on top of Roy, Ed tried to pull his lover's body on top of himself. So aroused, he knew he had to persuade Roy to hurry.

Roy rolled onto Ed, knowing exactly what his lover needed. He felt Ed's legs spread and his erection fill the empty space.

In one swift motion, Ed's hands pressed into Roy's behind while the his hips thrust upwards, pushing Roy in deep and hard. He gasped with urgency. Repositioning himself, he pulled on Roy's hips again, trying to link his lover with his internal bundle of nerves. He felt the delicious connection possess him with the second thrust.

Thrusting harder into Roy, Ed released a loud moan. He pulled out again, only to drive his hips upward again and again, feeding his need, satiating his craving to be filled by his lover.

Roy slipped his hand in-between them and gripped Ed's erection. Ed was slick with pre-seed, allowing Roy to stroke him easily. Roy loved every second of the wild ride Ed had him on.

Ed found himself getting quickly sensitive. He couldn't hold on any longer. When his peak hit, the waves of his climax coursed through every nerve in his body. He held tight to Roy and buried his face into Roy's chest, letting out sharp gasps, allowing the connection between them to make everything right.

Roy's own release came on rapidly and intensely, forcing Roy to relax his hold on Ed. As he surged into Ed, he fell over him, gasping for breath. When it ended, he put both arms around his lover, giving him a tender embrace. "Damn, Ed, that was incredible." Roy's breath began to slow.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Chapter 11

The Way Home

They lay in each other's arms for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, Roy stirred and climbed out of the bed they shared. Standing next to the bed, he brushed his hand through his dark hair and gazed lovingly down at his stunning lover.

Ed rolled onto his back and returned Roy's gaze.

Realizing Ed probably hadn't seen his brother in almost a week, Roy winced internally. Ed practically lived at his house now. It was almost as if Ed had been avoiding his sibling. He didn't want to be the one to drive a wedge between them. He had to find a way to get Ed to confront his brother and mend their broken relationship. "Ed, as much as I love having you here, I think you need to go home now."

Ed was shocked by Roy's words. It hurt to hear him say that. "What? Why?" He sat up in the bed.

"Because, you need to go see Al. You need to stop avoiding him and let him back into your life."

Drawing his eyes away from Roy's, Ed looked at the wall. He didn't want to see Al. He couldn't, not yet. What would he tell him about where he'd been? Would he have to spin a larger web of lies? "But, what am I supposed to tell him? I mean, about us, about where I've been?" He realized he'd rather have Roy take care of it for him.

Roy sat on the edge of the bed and looked closely into Ed's eyes. "You need to tell him the truth. I'm pretty sure he already knows anyway."

Gasping, Ed crept backward on the bed. He slowly shook his head. "H-how would he-he know?" His eyes were wide with fear.

Roy looked at his hands, lying in his lap. "Well, Ed, that night you were in Ishbal with Envy and Sloth, I-I said some things to you as you passed out and your brother was standing right there. You probably don't remember, but they found me on top of you." He steadied himself for a flurry of emotion and questions from his young lover.

Leaning forward, Ed's mind digested Roy's words. "W-what did you say, exactly?" He moved closer to Roy, as if it would make him hear better.

Roy smiled. It seemed like so long ago, but he knew Ed was going to like what he had to say. He put his face close to Ed's. "I told you that I loved you, over and over again."

Wrapping his arms around Roy, Ed crushed his lips against his lover's, kissing him with everything he had. He never tired of hearing those words from Roy. He realized, suddenly, that Roy had loved him long before he'd ever known. Pieces of a puzzle slowly slid into place. Then, he remembered that his brother had been there, watching. Reluctantly, he pulled away from Roy. "How did he act? What did he do? Has he said anything to you? Is he mad at me?" Sitting back in his place on the bed, he waited impatiently for answers.

"Calm down." Roy placed his hands on Ed's shoulders. "Let's see, he hasn't really said or done anything about it, as far as I know. He's never really said anything to me. It was like he just accepted it. He certainly doesn't seem mad." Roy hoped the words would ease Ed's fears about the situation.

Ed looked down at the rumpled sheets beneath him. Maybe it wasn't so bad after all. Maybe he'd been an idiot thinking his brother wouldn't understand. He thought back to how terrible he'd felt about himself when all of this started and realized he wasn't the same person anymore. He'd seen the world through a very different filter than he did now. He looked back up at Roy. "I have to see him." Courage showed on his face.

xxx

Ed heard the clopping of metal on wood on the other side of the door. His hand was on the knob but he was having a difficult time providing the necessary pressure to turn it. Finally, he let out a soft sigh and put all his strength into that one action. The door swung open and stopped as it hit wall.

"Brother!" Al rushed to greet Ed, banging heavily across the floor of their dorm room.

Ed let himself be enveloped by the cool steel arms that housed his brother's soul. Embracing the armor, he let his head rest against what would be his brother's chest. He felt tears sting his eyes as he realized how much he missed his brother's presence. They stood there for a moment, relishing the hold they had on each other.

Ed finally released the embrace and walked passed his brother into the room. Sighing, he ran a hand through his bangs, it was time to talk, really talk.

"Brother?" Al knew something was coming, and he started to brace himself for it.

Ed turned around and looked at Al with wet eyes. "Al, I have to tell you something, please, I've been . . . lying to you."

Al was silent and still.

Ed was confused. Was Al already mad at him or was he just patiently waiting for him to spill the rest of his guts? "I-I didn't have a secret assignment. I've been seeing Mustang, we have, we have a, a—'

"He loves you, doesn't he?"

Ed cringed. Although he knew what Al heard that night in Ishbal, it still shocked him to hear his brother say it. He tried to put into words the nature of his relationship with Roy, wanting to make his brother understand it was a good thing. "Yes, and I love him. You know, really _love_ him, like, like I guess you would a girl." He tried to make sure it was very clear.

Al gasped inside his shell. "Brother, I don't know about this. It seems . . . weird." He shook his head. "I guess it would seem weird to have you falling in love with just about anyone, since now you have someone else you want to spend your time with. But to do that with, with Colonel Mustang? I thought you hated him? What do you do together? I mean, how does that work anyway? Wait, I don't think I want to know." He turned around to look out the window. He'd seen his brother's lower lip start to tremble and he knew his words were hurting him. But he had to let his brother know how alone and betrayed he felt.

Ed felt a hot tear roll down his cheek. He felt terrible for how he'd treated Al. He started to think Al was repulsed by the kind of relationship he had with Roy, making all his fears start to surface. He ran to his brother and wrapped his arms around his metal hull. "Al, please don't hate me. I-I can't help it, it's just how I am I guess." He rubbed his cheek on the solid metal.

Al turned around and put his arms around his older sibling again. "Ed, I don't hate you. I just don't understand. I don't understand how you could be like that or how you could keep it from me all these years. I thought we shared everything? I never kept anything from you." He heard the soft echoes of Ed's tears falling onto his silver body. "Brother, I really don't hate you. You know I love you, nothing can change that."

"Al, w-what do you want me to do? How-how can I, make it up to you?" He really wished he could look into his brother's real eyes and see what was hiding there.

"Just don't push me away anymore. I know it can never be how it was. I mean, I guess I've lost a part of you to Mustang, but it was going to happen eventually anyway. I mean, not necessarily to Mustang, but to someone. I can handle it. I can get used to it, just don't go and make out with him in front of me. That might be a little much." Al squeezed Ed harder, hoping to lighten the conversation with his last sentence.

"You think it's gross, don't you?"

"Stop it, Ed. I was only kidding, Okay? Lighten up a little. Dang, I've never seen you get so serious before." Al chuckled softly.

Ed looked up at his brother's helmeted head. "It's not funny, Al. I really don't want you to think I'm weird or something." His fear had turned to anger.

Al laughed at Ed's sudden change in emotion. "But you _are_ weird, brother."

Ed began to chuckle. "Yeah, I guess I am, huh." So what if he wasn't exactly like everyone else. He'd always been different, that's what made him Edward Elric.

xxx

As Roy sat on the couch reading the newspaper in his living room, he heard a key turn in the lock of his front door. He'd just poured himself a scotch and was enjoying the feeling of the liquid heating up his insides. He watched a braided figure in black clothes cross his threshold and turn to close the door.

Roy set his newspaper on the coffee table. He wasn't sure what kind of mood Ed would be in after talking with his brother. Hopefully he'd actually gone through with it, Roy thought. He had a feeling it would be the last obstacle on the path to his acceptance of himself. When Ed turned around, Roy saw his face light up, glowing with self-assurance and happiness.

Ed was immediately struck by how stunning Roy looked in his white T-shirt and dark pants. His insides fluttered with the thought of how Roy was here, waiting for him, wanting him, loving him. He almost burst with the excitement of seeing his lover and knowing he was only a few feet away. Ed quickly closed the gap and plopped himself down next to Roy on the couch with a wide smile on his face.

Roy bounced from the impact of Ed's body hitting the couch next to him. "So, it went well, I take it?" He returned Ed's smile.

"Yes, but not as good as this is going to be." Ed leaned over and gave Roy a passionate kiss. Ed's hands reached up to cup Roy's face. He pushed forward, sending Roy falling down onto his back. When he released Roy's lips, he moved his mouth to Roy's ear, licking and kissing the sensitive area. Ed heard Roy moan in pleasure and he moved down to his neck. Reaching his flesh hand into Roy's pants, he stroked his length, causing Roy to thrust into his touch. He climbed on top of his lover, keeping his lips on his neck and his hand massaging Roy's erection. Finally, Ed removed his hand just before grinding his hips into Roy's, feeling the hardness of their bodies meet. It sent a sumptuous shiver up his spine and made a loud moan escape him.

Roy felt Ed squirming on top of him. "Ed, slow down. Lets make this last," he whispered into Ed's ear.

Ed's insistent movement slowed and his head lifted.

Roy gazed into Ed's amber eyes. He saw desire and longing in them. The insecurity and fear he used to see was gone. Reaching up, he placed a hand on each side of Ed's head and pulled down gently to place a tender kiss on his lips.

When Roy's mouth found his, Ed's eyes closed. He loved this man so much he knew he'd do anything for him, all he had to do was ask. Best of all, when he looked into Roy's eyes he saw Roy would do the same for him. It didn't get much better than this. He wanted to give everything to him, to surrender all he had. He kissed Roy slowly, passionately, still aching to do more. But he forced himself to slow down and savor every kiss, every touch.

Ed felt Roy's hands trail slowly and light over his torso, sensually massaging his back. The light touch tickled little trails over his skin, giving him a shiver. This was exquisite. How it should be, he thought.

Roy felt Ed yielding to him, matching his pace. Pushing his head into Ed's neck, he brushed his lips over tender skin, leaving only a suggestion he'd been there. He heard Ed moan softly and felt his lover thrust his hips into him. "Uh ah." He tilted his hips away, leaving Ed dissatisfied.

"Damn, Roy . . . " Edward said, between heavy breaths. Having Roy this close, but not actually doing anything was driving him crazy. He yearned to feel something, anything on the aching between his legs.

Roy turned them sideways. Ed was on his back while Roy faced him on his side, backed up to the couch. Roy returned to Ed's lips, kissing lightly and flicking his tongue against the inside of his mouth.

Ed tried to thrust harder into Roy, only to have him pull back. "Roy . . . "

Smiling, Roy looked down on Ed. His eyelids were half closed and his face screamed of arousal. He brought his lips down until they were just touching his lover's and put a hand over Ed's zipper. He ran a light finger down the length of the prominent swelling underneath. Ed thrust into it, but Roy kept the light pressure. He stroked up and down with only a finger, light enough to feel, but not enough to satisfy. He knew he was teasing the hell out of Ed, but he really enjoyed the reaction.

Ed couldn't stand it any longer. He wanted Roy and he wanted him now. Reaching his face forward, he crushed Roy's lips. At the same time, he grabbed Roy's side and tried to force him on top of him. But Roy resisted and rubbed all four fingers over Ed's erection, through his pants, with a little more pressure instead. Ed bucked into the sensation and let out loud moan. "Roy, please, do something. I'm, I'm going crazy." Ed began to pant.

Roy smiled. "Good." Reaching down, he unfastened Ed's pants. He extended his hand between skin and cloth and was surprised to find him already slick. "Damn, Ed, you are ready, aren't you?" He slowly stroked Ed's length, drawing insistent moans out of him each time.

"F-faster, p-please." Ed was so close. He hungered to let release take him.

Roy chuckled faintly. "Not yet, Ed." He sat up and pulled Ed's pants down to his ankles and removed his boots before stripping him bare.

Ed took off his jacket and black tank in only a few quick motions.

Roy watched the desire in Ed's eyes grow to new levels as he removed his own shirt, trousers and boxers. He could hear Ed panting and watched him lick his lips like some animal ready to devour something he just killed. Roy positioned himself between Ed's legs and looked into his eyes one last time before his put his mouth over his erection.

Ed felt Roy's wet hot mouth surround him, relentless and persistent. Roy's sucking and a tongue that knew right where to go flooded his senses. "Oh, God . . . " He bucked and thrust his hips eagerly into Roy. His climax came on quickly, surging into Roy, sending his seed spurting into his lover. When the contraction finally stopped, he lay on the couch, trying to catch his breath.

Roy brought himself down on top of Ed and gazed into his eyes, propping himself on his elbows.

Ed could hardly move for a moment, but he could see Roy needed a turn. He struggled to collect himself, needing a few minutes to rest before he could take care of Roy.

Roy lay his head down on Ed's chest, giving him a warm embrace.

Ed rubbed his cheek on the top of Roy's dark head, closing his eyes. He finally felt calm, like everything that had happened had somehow brought all the pieces of himself back together. Tightening his hold on Roy, his heart was filled with joy for the first time in years. "I love you, more than anything."

Roy stirred and raised his head. He loved hearing those words out of Ed's mouth. Each time he heard it, his heart melted. He kissed Ed passionately and pressed into his hips, he didn't want Ed to get too comfortable. "Ed, you know how much I love you, right?" A faint smile played on his lips.

Nodding his response, Ed placed his hands on Roy's arms and pushed him up.

Roy sat up on his legs and Ed followed. The two men were sitting sideways on the couch, facing each other.

Roy began seductive kisses on Ed's mouth and ran his hands up and down Ed's body. He needed Ed to finish what they'd started. When he felt Ed pushing him backwards, he eagerly repositioned himself on his back.

Ed dropped down between Roy's legs and started sucking and kissing between his thighs.

Roy thrust his hips into the sweet sensation and put his hands on the back of Ed's head, guiding him to his pulsing erection.

Ed took Roy into his mouth and was pleasantly surprised to feel his own arousal grip him once more. He really couldn't get enough of this man. Ed twisted over Roy as he bobbed up and down on his shaft. He flicked his tongue on Roy's tip. It was his turn to tease. He was rewarded with a loud moan from his lover. Ed continued changing the speed and pressure on Roy's length, wanting to make him scream. He felt his own erection needing attention and he stroked himself while he pleasured his lover.

Roy enjoyed everything Ed offered him. He was soon overwhelmed by an intense tingling and knew his release was close. Roy thrust hard into Ed's mouth. "Ed!" His climax surged. Sweet contractions racked his body, over and over.

Ed let out sharp gasps as his second climax directly followed Roy's, just as intense, just as powerful as the first, curling his toes and making him writhe over his lover.

When it slowed, Ed dropped himself onto Roy's chest. Sweat drenched them both. He had no idea he could do that again so quickly. Must be something about Roy, he thought. He held him firm and let his emotions rush to the surface. Overwhelmed, he felt tears fill his eyes. One droplet slowly fell down to Roy's chest.

Roy felt something wet hit his chest. He looked down at Ed and saw the trace the tear had left, illuminated in the late afternoon light filtering in through the window. "Hey, you okay?"

"I'm fine. Absolutely positively fine." Ed lost himself in his lover's tender embrace.

Tears stream down your face

When you loose something you cannot replace

Tears stream down your face

I promise you I will learn from my mistakes

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

- Coldplay

The End


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